Goes Down Looking

Old People Got Paid

2008-11-03T23:00:00.006-05:00

This year's free agent market will certainly alter the balance of power in the MLB, with big-ticket players like Mark Teixeira and C.C. Sabathia expected to command at least $20 million per year. But while those deals are likely a few months off, teams have already begun to address their smaller needs for the 2009 season. Here's a quick recap of the early signings:

If you made millions throwing like Mariah Carey and arthritis' love child, you'd smile too

Tim Wakefield- The 42-year-old knuckleballer's playoff ERA since 2004: 10.82. With Varitek gone, the Red Sox needed to fill their "team legend who hits the FAIL button before big postseason starts" quota.

Carlos Delgado- The Mets rewarded Delgado's huge second half (.308/27/80 since June 27) by picking up his $12 million option. In doing so, the team avoids paying a $4 mil. buyout. Might as well use what's left in the tank, even if it's in a part-time role.

Sergio Mitre- Signed by the Yankees to a one-year deal with an option for 2010. Only significant because of the Mitre jersey-wearing mystery man who caught Ken Griffey Jr's 600th home run ball. At least he'll be more productive than the last guy the Yanks plucked from Florida.

To see if you really can bleed from your eye sockets, find more transactions at MLB.com

Now Back To Your Regularly Scheduled Homerism

2008-11-03T22:08:00.004-05:00

Before I get down to actual hard* off-season news, here is evidence that, even in the city's happiest times, Philadelphia will not hesitate to share the love.

It's a victory parade. For your beloved team. Thrown to celebrate the city's first championship since 1983. Seems like a perfect time to get beat with police batons and nearly decapitated by a horse.

*By hard news I mean rampant speculation, plenty of legal talk, and players like Mike Cameron getting absurd amounts of money.

[Busted Coverage]

Dusting Myself Off and Getting Back in the Box

2008-11-03T21:58:00.005-05:00

Wow. It has been a long. time. I feel like the Andruw Jones of blogging.

A quick summary of what's prevented me from verbally looking down my nose at pro athletes:

Work
Work
More journalism than I can keep up with
Waking up glad that the Mets' season was all a bad dream
Realizing it wasn't
Crying
Coming to terms with happy Philadelphians

But we're back now, and it feels good.

Here's Hoping: Ninth Inning Leads Are Kerosene to Aaron Heilman's Matches

2008-08-08T17:00:00.000-04:00

Here's Hoping is a list of things we want to see happen over the weekend, but mainly it's an excuse to post a picture of a drunk athlete. This week it's Padres pitcher/Jager connoisseur Jake Peavy.

Here's hoping...

1. ... The Mets and Cardinals can record one save combined over the next few days. St. Louis leads the league with a whopping 27 blown saves, and the Mets' bullpen is a who's who of underperformers and choke artists.

2. ...Tampa Bay finds some way to cure their woes on the road. Including last night's loss to Seattle, the Rays are 45-17 at home but just 23-29 away from the Trop. Newly acquired Chad Bradford should be on hand to help them out.

3. ...The pesky St. Louis Cardinals sweep the Cubs to keep things interesting in the NL Central. And somebody knocks out this guy.

4. ...Baseball is revived as an Olympic sport as soon as possible. C'mon, it's way more deserving than the Biathlon.

5. ...Sports news outlets follow Jay Glazer's lead and continue to challenge ESPN for scoops.

6. ...Francisco Liriano regains his rookie season dominance after missing all of last year. The Twins sit just a half-game out of first in the AL Central.

7. ...We see the Asian-style nightmare fuel that is the 2008 Olympic mascot as little as possible. If Chucky was Chinese, he would be one of these monsters.

8. ...Sergio Garcia wins the PGA Championsip. Every time I look at a preview of a major tournament, his name is there. Despite the fact that he never wins. There's no Tiger this time, so go ahead and win while no one cares so the madness can stop.

9. ...A few marquee players skip town to play basketball overseas. With every team forced to overpay for its stars, the Knicks might have a chance of being decent.

10. ...It's sunny in Massachusetts all next week. I'm in Cape Cod for about a week, plus I've heard the sun's heat is deadly to pasty-white Massholes. It's win-win.

The Lineup: We May Have Been Mistaken

2008-08-08T16:30:00.000-04:00

Manny might have played his way into a trade. Conspiracy! Investigation! Burn the witch! Oh wait, never mind. [Boston.com] [LA Times]
Speeding up extra-inning games in the name of commercialism. [Washington Post]
Memo to NBA: If Italy comes callin', Kobe is peacin' out. [The Big Lead]
China's national team manager won't let the government hold him down. Hasn't this guy watched 24? If he's not careful he'll end up coaching from the bottom of a Chinese tanker. [MLB Fanhouse]

Another Week Down: Truly Synchronized Swimming, Children's Games, and Live Profanity

2008-08-08T16:00:00.003-04:00

To take you into the weekend, here's a recap of this week's action. Don't worry, it's in think-free photo format. Click and consume.

Bia and Branca Feres. The only time synchronized swimming will ever be mentioned here.

Dirk Nowitzki is either excited about the Olympics or has some form of hair-based Ringworm. Probably both.

Prince Fielder and a teammate engage in an intense staring match. Winner gets a chili-cheese dog. Baseball is so exciting. Yay.

Brian Roberts does the unthinkable: Three-way Miss Mary Mack.

This is so wrong.

The Chuck Norris technique of sliding into home.

You know those new, live Sportscenter ads the WWL just launched? Profanity, meet live television. It was only a matter of time.

Everyone knows the White Sox have bullpen issues, but I feel like their new reliever can't generate much velocity with such little arms.

Rick Ankiel, getting more fiber in his diet. Raisin Bran is usually a better option.

2008-08-08T15:59:00.001-04:00

According to the Boston Herald, Brian Giles has vetoed a move to the Red Sox, citing his desire to stay close to home. The outfielder holds a no-trade clause for a small number of ML teams, including Boston.

Chicago Is So Cool, Brah

2008-08-08T12:59:00.007-04:00

With all the recent Erin Andrews hubbub and now this, Chicago is a no-fly zone for any attractive, blonde reporter.

While doing a piece in front of Wrigley Field, Mouthpiece Sports correspondent Molly Dapier got drenched from behind with a bucket of water thrown by some idiot in blue body paint. Gnarly dude, way to support your Cubbies by ruining a random person's day.

Learn from Boston, you're not allowed to act like a jackass until you actually win something.

Like we needed any more reason to look forward to Year of Futiliy #100.

via Home Run Derby

The Revolution Will Not Be Televised; It Will Be Online

2008-08-08T11:55:00.000-04:00

Marky Mark during happier days.

With the 2008 Smog Olympics having started last night, we are faced with the last year in which baseball is guaranteed to be a part of this worldwide competition.

While popular in the US and perhaps even more so in Japan and the Caribbean, Olympic baseball has never been a high publicity spectacle on the level of gymnastics, swimming, or even boxing. This is mostly due to the almost complete absence of baseball in Europe and Africa. They prefer much more interesting and challenging sports over there, like badminton and synchronized swimming.

Slapping around a birdie and waterproof makeup. Truly gripping stuff.

Anyway, in an effort to do our small part here at GDL, we'll provide updates on the progress of Team USA and, to a lesser extent, other teams around the world. Not only is Olympic baseball an opportunity to get an idea of the universal talent pool, it affords us a first look at players who could be Major League stars in the next few years.

The following is Team USA's schedule, one we'll break down sometime next week. The full baseball schedule can be found here. All times are ET and games will be shown online at nbcolympics.com.

August 13:
USA v. South Korea 6 AM
USA v. Netherlands 10:30 PM
August 14:
USA v. Cuba 11:30 PM
August 15:
USA v. Canada 10:30 PM
August 18:
USA v. China 7 AM
August 19:
USA v. Chinese Taipei 7 AM
August 20:
USA v. Japan 7 AM

Rays Bolster Bullpen, Christian Guzman is an Assassin, and other MLB Notes

2008-08-08T11:00:00.001-04:00

Bradford Becomes a 2-Month Mercenary- The Tampa Bay Rays shored up their bullpen yesterday, picking up submarine right-hander Chad Bradford off of waivers. The reliever was released by the Orioles to give younger pitchers the chance to audition for a spot on the team in '09.

Bradford, in the last year of a three-year, $10.5 million contract, is 3-3 with a 2.45 ERA in 47 games as the O's primary right-hand specialist. He has playoff experience with a number of teams and adds another unique weapon to the Rays' already-solid relief corps.

Baldelli Set to Begin Comeback- The Rays have also activated outfielder Rocco Baldelli, though he has yet to officially return to the team. The 26-year-old led all rookies in hits in 2003 and started in center for two years before suffering from chronic fatigue due to a mitochondrial disorder.

Now cleared to play for the first time this season, Baldelli will be activated when they can make room on the roster. Manager Joe Maddon said this would happen when shortstop Jason Bartlett returns from his injury.

Target Practice- Nationals pitcher Tim Redding was hit in the leg with a ball yesterday. Off the bat of teammate Christian Guzman. From 350 feet away. Rockies beat writer Tony Renck had the first-hand account:

Pitcher Tim Redding was smoked by a line drive off the bat from teammate Cristian Guzman. Redding was in center field, approximately 350 feet away, when the ball hit him flush and dropped him. Redding went down and was quickly attended to by a trainer. He limped off under his own power, favoring his right leg.

Apparently, Redding barely missed getting hit by another line drive as he made his way to the dugout. This is the most dangerous the Nationals have been all year.

Players Still Use Steroids- Another minor-leaguer was suspended for steroid use, the fifteenth to be hit with a 50-game suspension since July 25th.

This time it was Boston prospect Victor De La Cruz, a 19-year-old playing for their Dominican Summer League team. De La Cruz was 3-0 with 3 saves and a 1.25 ERA when he tested positive for the steroid Stanozolol.

In other news, Sammy Sosa and Mark McGwire have still never been officially found to be steroid users.

The Happy Recap: How Does This Keep Happening

2008-08-08T10:17:00.000-04:00

Mets 5, Padres 3: Right now, it seems like the Mets' bullpen is determined to rob Johan Santana of a win every time out. After throwing seven solid innings, the ace left the field with two on, nobody out, and a 3-1 lead. When New York escaped the inning with a one-run lead, it appeared Santana was set up for a well-deserved victory. Enter: Scot Schoenweis.

Victimizing the Mets again, Jody Gerut took Schoenweis' one-out pitch out of the park, tying it at three and handing Santana his eighth no-decision. The bullpen has now blown six leads provided by Johan, five of those coming in the ninth inning.

A big sigh of relief would come quickly, however, in the person of David Wright. The third baseman took a low breaking ball from Heath Bell and deposited it into the stands for a walk-off, two-run home run. Though it's a bad sign when a team is delighted to take 2 of 3 from the Padres, the win leaves the Mets just two games out of first in the NL East.

Dodgers 4, Cardinals 1: Well, that was short-lived. New Manny Ramirez failed like a bum, going just 1-3 and failing to homer for the sixth consecutive game.

The real Ramirez, however, took back his name with a huge blast off starter Kyle Lohse, his fourth in just six games with the Dodgers. He's hitting .565 with a 1.745 OPS since the trade.

Highly-touted rookie Clayton Kershaw did the rest, limiting St. Louis to three hits and one run in seven innings.

Yankees 3, Rangers 0: The league's best offense was no match for Mike Mussina's Moose-like qualities, reaching third base only once the entire game. Mussina is now tied with Cliff Lee for the lead with 15 wins, and is 5-0 at the Ballpark in Arlington since 2002.

Derek Jeter provided all the offense the Yanks would need with an uber-clutch home run in the first inning off that kid from the Goonies.

Mariners 2, Rays 1: Raul Ibanez saved Seattle from certain extra-innings doom, lining a Dan Wheeler splitter into the right field seats for a walk-off home run. It was the Mariners' first walk-off homer since 2004, and Ibanez' fourth of his career.

The victory completed a rare series win, in which they took 3 of 4 from the road-allergic Rays.

Felix Hernandez pitched a gem, going eight strong innings and allowing just one run on a wild pitch. In an idea of how Seattle season has gone, this was their fourth win in the 57 games during which they've trailed after seven innings.

The Lineup: Ballpark Beverages Can Get Quite Expensive

2008-08-07T16:30:00.001-04:00

Save yourself $22,000 a year and get drunk before going to the ballgame. [Bugs & Cranks]
One year later, Barry Bonds is out of baseball but Mike Bacsik is still pitching (albeit barely). [SF Chronicle]
One man goes to great lengths in his quest to hate on Boston. [Boston.com]
Possibly the greatest sporting event. Ever. [Derober]
Texas manager Ron Washington won't take any shenanigans from his players, especially not in front of 30,000 people. [Home Run Derby]
Peter King prepares for Farvaro's arrival in New Jersey, KSK style. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

2008-08-07T12:31:00.000-04:00

Brian Giles was claimed off of waivers by a mystery team, giving the Padres 48 hours to re-claim or trade him. Possible culprits are the Seattle Mariners in the study with the knife, or the Blue Jays in the bedroom with the candlestick. [FOX Sports]

UPDATE: According to the San Diego Tribune, it was the Red Saw aht tha haahbah with the lahbstah.

Rockies Officially Give Up

2008-08-07T12:15:00.001-04:00

Since making the World Series last October, not much has gone right for the Colorado Rockies. Mired in third place with a record that's cellar worthy in most other divisions, the Rockies' young pitching staff bears much of the blame. A driving force in the latter part of 2007, they are now last in the NL in both runs allowed and ERA.

As a result, GM Dan O'Dowd shunned the youth movement and added 87-year-old Livan Hernandez yesterday. Hernandez, whose listed age is 33 (debatable) but throws like a 40-year-vet (slow) was recently released by Twins after going 10-8 with a 5.48 ERA.

Despite his struggles this season, O'Dowd was confident in Hernandez' ability to help the team, calling him "a great addition."

While Hernandez will likely be an improvement- right now Tony Pena could do a better job- it's tough to see how this fits into any type of strategy. Even though the NL West is horrifically bad, it's essentially a two team race, so it's not like he's going to lead a playoff push. Plus, Hernandez is most certainly not the one around which to build your 2009 staff.

Ultimately, the Rockies probably just need somebody to plug a hole for a couple months. Tough to imagine there's no better option going forward.

via MLB Fanhouse

The Happy Recap: Tradebait! Hoo Ha Ha!

2008-08-07T10:26:00.000-04:00

Pirates 2, Diamondbacks 0: At least Pittsburgh didn't get completely fleeced in their trade with the Yankees, as Jeff Karstens (known before this game solely as Tradebait) came within four outs of a perfect game.

Despite losing the no-no when Chris Young doubled in the eigth, Karstens ran his scoreless streak to fifteen innings, and is 2-0 so far with the Bucs. The young pitcher also went 2-3 with a run scored, which also qualifies him as the top hitting prospect in the entire Pittsburgh system.

Rays 10, Indians 7: Tampa Bay has shown its resilience time and again this season, and last night was no different. Although, against the Indians' bullpen, it tends to become a little easier.

Down 7-4 in the ninth, the Rays got to work, with back-to-back doubles followed by a Gabe Gross home run to tie it off of Edward Mujica. After Masa Kobayashi came in and allowed two runners to reach, Carlos Pena clinched it with a three-run shot to right center.

The win was the Rays' 68th, putting them two away from tying their season high.

Giants 3, Braves 2: You have to wonder how good Tim Lincecum would be if he had a semi-intimidating offense behind him. When your top hitter is more well-known for face-planting into a wall than making contact with a tiny white sphere, something needs to be addressed.

Despite little run support, Lincecum got his 12th win last night, going eight innings and giving up just two runs. It was the third straight good start for Lincecum, who hadn't won in the prior three weeks.

Rowand provided all the offense with a home run and 3 RBIs.

Cardinals 9, Dodgers 6: Ryan Ludwick is the New Manny Ramirez, as he homered for the fifth straight game. It was his 29th of the season and came just four pitches after Albert Pujols whacked a grand slam off starter Derek Lowe.

Old Manny Ramirez unimpressively homered only once, and LA couldn't piece together enough runs to complete another comeback.

Yankees 5, Rangers 3: New York salvaged the last game of the series, jumping on rookie Tommy Hunter for all five runs, highlighted by Jason Giambi's 22nd homer of the year.

The early cushion was enough for Sidney Ponson, who turned in what will need to be one of many good performances now that Joba Chamberlain is on the DL. Ponson gave up three runs in 6 1/3 innings before four relievers combined to hold onto the win.

The Lineup: We Are Smart, S-M-R-T

2008-08-06T16:30:00.000-04:00

To borrow an all-time great line from one of my friends, "If dolphins were smart, they would build buildings." And now one kid has conquered they're echolocation technique. Point, homo sapiens. [With Leather]
I think this settles the instant replay debate. [The Sporting Blog]
Get your What's up, Creampuff? shirt, so all 76 of us can chuckle and know what you're talking about. [Walkoff Walk]
Rachel Nichols will not be denied in bringing you unnecessary Farvaro coverage [Deadspin]

Could Both the Red Sox and Yankees End Up Missing the Playoffs?

2008-08-06T14:50:00.001-04:00

With approximately two months to go, the baseball world is starting to come to terms with the idea of the Yankees not making the playoffs. Six games out and in third place in the East, coupled with the potential loss of Joba Time, could mean a New York-less postseason for the first time since 1993. In 1993, The Chronic was still the new hotness.

Surely a postseason without Captain Clutch and the Bombers would be a blow to American morale and family values, but what if, ::gasp:: the Boston Red Sox were also October absentees?

Before Massachusetts starts to riot or ESPN executives break down the door to my mother's basement and detain me in Bristol, be comforted in knowing it's not much of a possibility.
However, it's not completely out of the question. Currently, the Sawx sit at 65-49, three games out of first place. The Yankees are six games out of first, and the way things are going, could end up even farther behind by week's end. So no problem, right? They might even overtake the Baby Rays and restore their rightful place as Titletown of the World.

Except one thing. There's two other divisions in the American League. Consider the unexpectedly tight Wild Card race:

Sawx 65-49 .570
Twins 62-51 .549
Rangers 60-54 .526

Now consider that the Twins have caught fire over the past months and actually took first in the Central before yesterday's loss, and that the Rangers have taken two in a row from the Yankees. Suddenly it's not such a cakewalk.

The Red Sox have been in the playoff mix the entire year and, at times, looked to be among the best in either league. Their pitching is far superior to the Rangers and Twins, and Jason Bay is smoking the ball as the new left fielder. But Boston has patched together its lineup all season, and some things do not bode well for the future.

David Ortiz has struggled since returning from his injury, and experienced discomfort in his wrist again on Monday. One little twinge and the lineup becomes significantly less scary with Bay and J.D. Drew as the go-to hitters.

Speaking of Boston's favorite Canadian, Jason Bay, at .429 with 6 RBIs, is bound to cool off. As much as he contributes defensively and on the bases when compared to Manny, he is not on the same tier when it comes to pure hitting ability.

Lastly, the Red Sox can't let the Twins and Rangers slip by unnoticed. Minnesota is getting great pitching from relative unknowns and beating up on the Central (34-20), against whom they have 15 more games. Conversely, if the Rangers could ever get any quality pitching they'd be a division lock. The best offense in baseball is 7-3 over their last ten games, scoring eight runs or more in six of those victories. They also have the "benefit" of not worrying about winning their division. Down 10 1/2 to the Angels, Texas can focus solely on the Wild Card.

Boston does have a few things going for them, though, and it's why they will ultimately make the playoffs, even if it's a closer race than originally anticipated. They are clearly the superior team. Better bullpen, better starters, dependable offense. Neither team can say they do more than one thing better than the Sox. Closing out close games becomes crucial at this point in the season, and Boston has the talent to get past the middle innings with a lead intact.

The remaining schedule also aids the Red Sox, in that both Texas and Minnesota must survive a number of tough series, most notably the Tampa Bay-Los Angeles gauntlet. The Rangers must play thirteen games combined against the top two teams in the league, while the Twins play eight. Boston escapes with just six.

The Red Sox may be safe for now, but if Texas or Minnesota stays hot we could be in for yet another tight race in a year defined by them.

Arizona Locks Up Haren

2008-08-06T12:49:00.000-04:00

The AP is reporting that Diamondbacks' pitcher Dan Haren has signed an extension worth $44.75 million over four years.

Haren is 12-5 with a 2.75 ERA so far this year, as well as fourth in the NL in strikeouts, and the contract ensures that at least one-half of Arizona's All-Star pitching combination will be staying put. The D-Backs are currently in first in the NL West, thanks largely to pitching that has buoyed a team with little offensive punch. Haren and ace right-hander Brandon Webb are a combined 28-9 on the season.

The new deal will pay the 27-year-old Haren $31 million more than his original contract, as well as give the team an option for 2013. The Diamondbacks, who last won the world series in 2001, have the pitching components to compete in the coming years, but will need to upgrade their offense, especially with stars like Chris Young and Eric Byrnes hurt or struggling.

[SI.com]

Mainstream Media Just Figured It Out: Erin Andrews is Attractive

2008-08-06T12:05:00.001-04:00

So scandalous.

Seven days away from sports, especially during a random week in July, didn't seem like too bad of an idea. Surely I couldn't miss much. There was the Farvaro thing, but he's been trying to make up his mind for five years now. I'd rather be hit in the head with a block of cheese than hear from the Cheesheads and their savior.

Anyway, even without TV or Internet access while in the Pocono mountains, if anything did happen I'm sure I'd get a telegram or smoke signals or something. Brett Favre is that important.

There was the trade deadline, which was surprisingly active this year, but, living in New Jersey, all I would have heard was Pudge this and Nady that, forcing me to huddle in the corner, crouched in the fetal position with an orange and blue Mets blanket over my head. So sad I missed that.

However, one piece of "news" I wish I was around for was the sudden uproar over Erin Andrews and her professionalism. The debate was touched off by Mike Nadel's recap of a Cubs game that centered more on bashing ESPN's sideline reporter than the actual game. Nadel questioned Andrews' professionalism and accused her of using her looks to her advantage.

The debate over whether she uses her attractiveness to get access to athletes seems pretty straightforward to me. Um. Yeah? Andrews not accentuating her physical features would be like a student not using college connections to get a prestigious internship or a reporter not utilizing a personal relationship with a high-profile athlete. It's just dumb. You use what you have. How do you think Joe Buck has a job?

That said, anyone who's watched Andrews has to admit she knows what she's doing sports-knowledge wise. This is a woman dedicated to her craft who uses the access that may or may not be granted by her looks to get in-depth information beyond the standard, "How do you feel?" line of questioning. The number one job of a reporter is to provide the public with useful information, and Andrews is doing that better than the majority of sideliners out there.

What is good to see is that the majority of Blogfrica is sticking up for her. While she is a bankable post subject for page views solely because of her looks (google: Erin Andrews eating hot dog), I think most of us realize that she's getting us useful information and not that bland Pam Ward fluff. While all of mainstream Milwaukee is rioting, it seems only The Big Lead has jumped on the "She's a Witch!" bandwagon.

Hopefully this has been beaten to death enough for the time being, but the question around the ethics of reporting tactics still lingers. Is Erin Andrews wearing a dress at a ballgame really worse than Peter King compromising his journalistic integrity by buddying up to NFL stars?

Jason Bay Has Top-of-the-Wall Power

2008-08-06T10:56:00.001-04:00

Possibly the most exciting thing to happen in Kansas City since the Pony Express, last night gave us another case of the baseball flat-out refusing to leave the playing field.

However, unlike the Johnny Damon play, this one rolled along the edge of the padded wall before left fielder Ross Gload swatted it back into play.

The play robbed newly-acquired Jason Bay of a 3-run homer. Manny would have hit it clear out of the stadium, rounded the bases backwards and then drank from the waterfalls in left field. What now, Jason.

via Sox and Dawgs

The Happy Recap: It... Is... Alive

2008-08-06T10:35:00.002-04:00

Like Bigfoot, Mike Hampton's baseball appearances are extremely rare and always blurry.

Braves 11, Giants 4: Today in sentences you thought you'd never see: Mike Hampton threw seven solid innings to get the win last night in San Francisco. It was just his third start this year and first victory since 2005 for the $121 million man.

Following the signing of his mega-contract with Atlanta, Hampton has had multiple injuries to his arm, chest, back, and had to be resurrected from the dead approximately 2 1/2 times. While recording only 33 wins in seven years. Evel Knievel has a better medical history.

Casey Kotchman got his second RBI in a Braves uniform and Atlanta scored seven runs off the Giants' bullpen to secure the win.

Cubs 11, Astros 7: Fresh off of a crippling sweep of the Mets, Houston set their sights on another playoff contender, rallying from a five-run deficit to take a 7-6 lead late in the game.

Luckily for the Cubs, Houston has a slight problem keeping the ball in the ballpark. Alfonso Soriano hit a three-run blast to put Chicago on top for good, the league-leading 150th homer given up by Astros pitching.

The win kept the Cubs five games ahead of the Brewers and 16 1/2 ahead of the Pirates.

Mets 6, Padres 5: If anything, Aaron Heilman gets a gold star for consistency. Getting the first shot at closing in Billy Wagner's absence, Heilman and his signature flat fastball gave up a 3-run homer to slugger (read: stringbean slap-hitter) Jody Gerut. The shot trimmed the lead to 6-5 before Scot Schoenweis came in and recorded the final out. Fernando Tatis provided the margin with a pair of home runs and four RBI.

Heilman has now given up 9 home runs on the season, or one approximately every six innings. I feel like he's not the best choice for the ninth inning.

White Sox 10, Tigers 8: The real fun didn't begin until extras, when Edgar Renteria's error opened the door for a wild 14th inning.

Up 8-6 following Placido Polanco's two-run home run, Joel Zumaya came in to shut things down. The following is exactly how not to shut things down: single by Orlando Cabrera, double by Carlos "desperately needs a nickname" Quentin. Edgar Renteria's fielding gaffe made it a one-run game and set the stage for Jim Thome. He struck out.

However, Nick Swisher had a different plan of attack, golfing a walkoff homer into centerfield. The win put the Sox back on top of the AL Central, one game ahead of the Twins.

Cardinals 6, Dodgers 4: Chris Carpenter was stellar in his rain-shortened second start of the year, but the bullpen couldn't hold the lead, giving up four runs in the ninth.

The Dodgers' comeback started with Andruw Jones' pinch-hit home run (3 homers! only $4.6 mil per long ball!) and handed the Cards their 27th blown save of the year. The Mets' bullpen is jealous.

Ryan Ludwick bailed out St. Louis with his 28th of the year, giving them the walkoff win to remain a half-game out of second in the Central.

Here's Hoping: It's Just [INSERT NAME] being [INSERT NAME]

2008-07-25T16:30:00.000-04:00

Here's Hoping is a list of things we want to see happen over the weekend, but mainly it's an excuse to post a picture of a drunk athlete. This week it's flamethrower/keg lover Joel Zumaya.
Here's hoping...

1. ...We can keep the Manny being Manny stories coming. I know it's a worn-out topic, but for some reason I can't get enough.

2. ...The US Army comes to its sense and allows Caleb Campbell to pursue his NFL dream. Having a legitimate athlete coaching at a prep school takes away jobs for the failed wannabe athletes the position was meant for. Like me.

3. ...A major trade goes down so we're not bombarded with Yankee-Red Sox news all weekend. Jason Bay/Xavier Nady to the Mets maybe? /blatant homerism

4. ...Tim Lincecum can rebound from what's been a tough month so far. The diminutive righty gave up 5 runs vs. the Brewers in his last outing, but gets to face a nonexistent Arizona offense on Saturday. 20 Ks is a definite possibility.

5. ...The Rays figure out how to win on the road. Away from Tropicana they're just 19-26, and last night's loss puts them in a tie atop the AL East. Now is not a good time for the season's best story to collapse.

6. ...The next best story snaps out of his post All-Star slump. Josh Hamilton, like so many HR Derby finalists before him, has been slow out of the gate, hitting .200 with 1 RBI in his past six games.

7. ...The Farvaro shitstorm (aka Peter King's masturbation material) comes to an end soon. Will he end up with the Bucs? The Jets? I don't care, as long as he throws around 62 interceptions. Which is roughly his season average. What a gutty gunslinger, that Favre.

8. ...Holy Taco continues to make my year with these comic books. Not even the undead can resist Tawmmy Brady.

9. ...Piedmont High's A-11 offense catches on in the college ranks. Texas Tech or Hawaii could definitely pull it off.

10. ...The Yankees break down and sign Barry Bonds. It's definitely a Hank Steinbrenner-type move.

The Lineup: The Original 'Stache

2008-07-25T16:00:00.000-04:00

To me, Mr. Gossage, the "most amazing thing" is that you're a Hall-of-Famer and you still wear those terrible looking sunglasses [USA Today]
Miguel Batista has a book. About a 14-year-old serial killer. [Walkoff Walk]
Chris Cooley continues his ascent to coolest person ever by sticking it to Dan Snyder and the 'Skins. [D.C. Sports Bog]
Rutgers University could be in a bit of financial trouble. Maybe it was that $250,000 you gave to your coach under the table that did it. [The Band Is On the Field]
The Philadelphia Phillies would like Jose Reyes to kindly stop extending his finger. [SportsbyBrooks]
Predicting the next athletes to spurn the US and play overseas [The Sports Hernia Blog]

Another Week Down: Ana Ivanovic, White People, and USC Athletics

2008-07-25T14:45:00.001-04:00

To take you into the weekend, here's a recap of this week's action. Don't worry, it's in think-free photo format. Click and consume.

Ana Ivanovic on vacation in Palma de Mallorca earlier this week. Photo taken using the revolutionary stalker cam angle.

Ichiro tries in vain to escape the Safeco maximum security prison. As is common protocol for all authori ties, he was restrained, unnecessarily tased, and sent back to his locker. Ichiro still has four years left on his sentence.

Carlos Quentin gives a curtain call to possibly the whitest crowd ever on record.

Lions rookie Caleb Campbell, who was prevented from entering training camp after the Army decided that having him coach a prep school was much more important.

'Cause this is Thriller...Thriller Night...

Cal Ripken, Jim Palmer, and Eddie Murray are honored at the Orioles '83 World Series celebration. After watching the O's get swept by Toronto, the three were immediately installed into the lineup.

Albert Pujols and a fan engage in a Dragonball Z v. Professor X fight to the death.

And lastly, say 'oh hi' to soccer star Megan Ohai (left). Just another reminder that I chose the wrong college.

Sabathia and Fielder Are the Fat Ladies, and They're a-Singin' for the Cardinals

2008-07-25T12:21:00.001-04:00

In an effort to avoid anything Bronx/Sawx related, let's turn our attention to Midwest, and the official funeral for the Cardinals' 2008 season.

It's remarkable how long St. Louis was able to stick around in the National League's best division. In their pre-season predictions, Sports Illustrated and the Sporting News had the Cards finishing fifth, with SI foreseeing a 73-89 record.

They were reportedly, "exposed as an aging franchise built around fragile stars."

And that quote was pretty much dead on. The Cards have suffered serious amounts of injuries, losing three key starters, their closer, and All-Star Albert Pujols for extended periods of time. They had to depend on a lineup consisting of unproven players thrust into unexpected duty, with a former pitcher anchoring the offense. Plus, Kyle Lohse, yes this Kyle Lohse, was their new ace pitcher.

Yet, somehow, this patchwork team was able to not only hold on, but excel, keeping pace with the vastly superior Chicago Cubs. Lohse, in some soul-selling deal with the devil, pitched like an ace, and the influx of talented youth changed the entire image of the Cardinals.

Then the Brewers got CC Sabathia. And the Cubs pulled the trigger on the Rich Harden deal. And then Milwaukee came through and took four straight in spirit-crushing fashion. The death toll of the Cardinals' bell is beginning to become more audible.

Ironically, it wasn't the aging pitching nor the fragile stars that did this team in. Cardinal starters held the Brewers to three runs or less in each game, and the offense kept it tied or took the lead in the late innings of three out of four.

In fact, it was the bullpen, considered a secondary problem at the start of the season, that signaled the beginning of the end. With the pen's staggering 24th blown save last night, St. Louis fell three games behind Milwaukee, a deficit that might as well be thirty-three games with the opposite directions these clubs are heading.

The Cardinals' front office now has a decision to make: Pack up shop and be satisfied with a surprising season, or go for the gusto by sacrificing some of those young players to get pitching help. From the looks of it, they'll try to find a way to improve, but not too hard. The Cubs and Brewers are set to battle it out for first, armed with weapons that make St. Louis look about as powerful as Guam.

It's been a positive season for the Cardinals, something to build on, but not until next year. In a league of buyers and sellers, they can stand pat, lick their wounds, and move forward with a solid core for 2009.

2008-07-25T11:05:00.002-04:00

ESPN will use live TV ads to promote the new Sportscenter... featuring a random guy with no on-air experience. This will end well. At least we know he can't be worse than Skip Bayless. [USA Today]

The Happy Recap: It's All Or Nothin'

2008-07-25T10:06:00.001-04:00

Finely groomed chinstrap? Check. Flat billed cap cocked slightly to the side? Check. Fist Pump? Check. Oliver Perez is Guido approved.

Mets 3, Phillies 1: New York took sole possession of first place thanks to a fine performance by Ollie Perez, who will most likely hand the division lead back when he implodes against the Nationals or the Peoria Chiefs.
He's given up one run in four games against the Phils, but eleven runs combined in two games against the Giants and Mariners.
If you need a big win against a division rival, turn to Ollie. Need someone to toss batting practice to the Highland Park Little League? Don't let Perez touch the ball, he'll walk seven, hit two batters, and give up a homer to the kid who picks his nose in the outfield.
Carlos Delgado hit the go-ahead two-run double in the eighth.

Blue Jays 5, Orioles 1: Picking up where they left off, the Jays got the win roughly 15 hours after the game started. Suspended by heavy rains in the top of the sixth on Wednesday, the two teams continued yesterday, with the Jays bullpen securing the win for starter A.J. Burnett.
Lyle Overbay's go-ahead RBI double stood up as all Toronto would need vs. the O's, who were overtaken for fourth in the AL East.

Blue Jays 7, Orioles 1: Things went from bad to worse in Baltimore's regularly scheduled game, who had the misfortune of facing complete game guru Roy Halladay. While the Jays pitcher underachieved, going just seven innings, his six strikeouts and one run allowed were mediocre enough to get the win.
Marco Scutaro led the shelling of O's starter Daniel Cabrera, who has allowed 6+ runs in four starts this season.

Brewers 4, Cardinals 3: Things are going so well for the Brew Crew that even ERIC GAGNE got a win. If there's ever been a sure sign of the apocalypse, this is it. I'm writing this from my panic room right now, spooning out canned peas and lying under a lead blanket.
Milwaukee finished of the sweep with more ninth-inning heroics, this time coming from Ryan Braun. Braun ended a 4-4 day with a two-run homer to left off Ryan Franklin.
It was Franklin's fifth blown save and the 3849384th sign St. Louis needs some bullpen help.

It's Just Not That Important

2008-07-25T09:03:00.004-04:00

The Minor Leagues are pretty much everything that their older, more famous, and PC brother is not: laid-back, quirky, fan-friendly, and affordable.

But there's a major reason for this. Minor League games just aren't that important. Sure, it's the stepping stone to the Big Show, but with the majority of players moving on to some other part of the organization within the year, the overall games are inconsequential.

I think that most realize this, and that's why you have managers going absolutely batshit crazy, pandering to the crowd. However, some obviously have yet to grasp the concept, and example 1-A is Peoria Chiefs' pitcher Julio Castillo.

I'm usually in favor of brawls of any kind, but this was out of hand, especially when you realize that it's a MINOR LEAGUE game.

Castillo touched off the conflict when he attempted to throw the ball into the dugout, instead missing and hitting a fan. The fan was carted off to the hospital and Castillo is charged with felony assault.

A regular Greg Maddux, that kid. It takes major control to miss a six foot high, thirty foot long dugout. No wonder he's in the minors.

via Awful Announcing

The Lineup: Property of the Military

2008-07-24T16:30:00.003-04:00

Shin-Soo Choo is the South Korean Ted Williams. [Cleveland.com]
Lions rookie Caleb Campbell is the latest in a long line of citizens screwed by the US Army. [Yahoo! Sports]
The Detroit Shock kinda messed up the WNBA's entire ad campaign with their latest signing: 50 year-old Nancy Lieberman. [Deadspin]
Fantasy Football is right around the corner, and everyone knows that success is completely dependent on the perfect team name. Luckily, KSK provides some suggestions. You're now looking at the proud owner of Team "Tell Me How My Ass Tastes." [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
Ex-Pat Kenyetta Jones, of public urination fame, is arrested in a drug bust. The government will surely mistake "ex-Pat" with "expatriate" and go all Gitmo on him. [SportsbyBrooks]

Series Win Positions Mets Perfectly for This Year's Collapse

2008-07-24T16:10:00.001-04:00

We'll look more at this tomorrow, but the Mets and Phillies finished up their series a few hours ago with New York taking today's game, 3-1.

While the games showed how close the two teams are talent-wise, little else can be gleaned from past three days. If anything, it reinforced what we already know about the NL East rivals:

The Mets:

They have a Jekyll & Hyde bullpen. One day they look like Clay Counsil, the next it's lights out.
The Carloses have shaken off early-season slumps. Delgado broke the tie in today's game with a two-run double and Beltran is providing protection in the middle of the lineup.
Ollie Perez turns it on in big games. Perez always saves his best stuff for when it matters, and he came through again, allowing only one run on Jayson Werth's homer.

The Phillies:

Their offensive production depends on the Howard-Utley-Rollins trio. This isn't a bad thing, but when Utley and Howard each K three times it's the sign of a long day.
Philadelphia pitching still has New York's number to some degree. Even in the losses, starters Brett Myers and Jamie Moyer did a good job keeping it close. If mediocre-at-best players can do that to the Mets, it could mean trouble in August when New York goes up against Cole Hamels and whoever else is acquired to bolster the rotation.
Jamie Moyer drinks unicorn blood. It's the only explanation for how he continues to live in the Bigs with batting practice fastballs. Everyone was impressed with Jerry Rice and Roger Clemens' off-season workouts, but we need to take a look at exactly what Moyer is doing to stay competitive. My guess is unicorn blood mixed with some spring water from Tuck Everlasting.

Outside of that, it's difficult to gauge momentum or determine who might have the edge when late August rolls around. The Mets have the series lead, sure, but one glimpse at their 10-9 win on July 7 exemplifies their maddening inconsistency.

Ultimately, this was not the season-defining week that it could have been if one team had come in and cleaned house. Instead, both Mets and Phillies fans will have to keep one eye on the scoreboard as we march into the last month of summer.

With nothing decided yet, look for both franchises to attempt some kind of deadline manuever, whether its a new outfielder roaming Shea or another starting pitcher to bolster the Hamels-then-nobody pitching corps.

2008-07-24T13:21:00.003-04:00

It's Barry Bonds' 44th birthday, and in honor of the big-headed wonder, here's a look at his year-by-year evolution from base stealer to ass-injecting hulk. [TIME]

George Brett Must First Negotiate the Snow Mound Before Arguing

2008-07-24T12:27:00.000-04:00

In celebration of the 25th anniversary of the Pine Tar Game, these four do what any normal American would... make a hilarious YouTube video.

Give that man an Oscar.

via Can't Stop The Bleeding

Scientists Want To Watch You Pee: A Urine Test for HGH

2008-07-24T11:03:00.000-04:00

The Pacman Jones testing facility.

According to the Sporting News, the days of care-free pissing may soon be over, as a biotechnology company is in the process of developing an HGH test using urine samples.

Ceres Nanosciences, in a partnership with academic powerhouse George Mason University, is reportedly less than six months away from finishing the first non-invasive human growth hormone detector:

Scientists explained to the Washington Business Journal how the test works. It uses "nanoparticles, which work much like a crab net, filtering bodily fluids and using chemical bait to snare, isolate, compile and preserve some of the world's smallest matter to help detect diseases or toxins earlier, faster and cheaper."

MLB and NFL officials are looking to utilize this new method as soon as it's validated by scientists. No prominent US athletes have ever tested positive for HGH, though Marion Jones and Andy Pettitte have admitted to using the banned substance.

In my opinion, I'm still a little skeptical. Something about the words "crab," "chemical," and "snare" in association with the most important appendage make me uneasy. In fact, I'm pretty sure you could solve the doping problem just by explaining that process to the athletes.

via The Sporting News

The Happy Recap: Carsten Charles Will Not Leave the Building

2008-07-24T10:02:00.003-04:00

I'm a little teapot, short and stout...

Brewers 3, Cardinals 0: It's right about this time when you start to feel like the Indians didn't quite get equal value in the CC Sabathia trade. The Round One went all nine, striking out seven and taking a no-hitter into the 6th to give the Brewers their 7th straight win.

For Sabathia, it was his third consecutive complete game and fourth win with Milwaukee. J.J. Hardy and Ryan Braun homered in support of Carsten Charles, who now has a 26:3 K:BB ratio in his past three starts.

Mets 6, Phillies 3: This time, Brett Myers was on the receiving end, getting slapped around for three runs while walking five in his short-lived return from the minors.

The serious damage, however, was done later in the game by Jose Reyes, whose three-run homer put the Mets up for good. Taking a lead into the ninth, Billy Wagner refused to adhere to the traditional pour-gasoline-on-fire method and dispatched the Phils in order.

White Sox 10, Rangers 8: In Texas, everything is bigger, including ERAs, and the Sox took advantage of that last night. Fresh off of seven stellar innings that included four errors and eight runs allowed, Chicago simply battled back to bring it within striking distance for former Stanford Cardinal Carlos Quentin. His second homer of the day put the Sox up for good and made sure Alexei Ramirez' redonkulous play didn't go to waste.

Rays 4, A's 3: So... hit a home run, get demoted to the minors? I believe that's the exact opposite of positive reinforcement, but maybe it's the next Moneyball-type craze. Most likely not. Anywho, the newest Durham Bull, Ben Zobrist, went back-to-back with Jonny Gomes to give the Rays the lead and prevent consecutive home losses for the first time since April. Tampa Bay remains a 1/2 game up on Boston.

Angels 14, Indians 11: At some point, you have to think Francisco Rodriguez is paying off his teammates to make sure the games stay close. That's the only explanation I have for Cleveland's convenient four-run comeback in the last two innings.

Down 14-7 thanks to a Jeff Mathis grand slam and nine hits combined from Howie Kendrick and Casey Kotchman, the Indians brought it within striking distance before Rodriguez was brought in to record the last out and get the save. 1/3 of an inning, 1 pitch = 1 save. The save statistic could be slightly overrated. From now on, the 'K' in K-Rod stands for Konspiracy.

A Look Into the Next Big MLB Scandal: Dominican Signings and Buscones

2008-07-23T13:26:00.000-04:00

16-year-old Michael Inoa, with A's GM Billy Beane (left) and Edgar Mercedes (right)

Following up on last week's examination of the FBI's Dominican skimming investigation, Melissa Segura has an in-depth look at the buscones responsible for connecting international prospects with Major League teams.

The article profiles Edgar Mercedes, a bookie turned buscon. Mercedes discovered pitcher Michael Inoa when he was 13-years-old and hasn't left his side since. He acted as a form of agent during Inoa's negotiations with the Oakland A's, who eventually inked him to a record $4.25 signing bonus.

A former catcher, Mercedes developed Inoa into a polished pitcher, and is reaping the rewards of a popular industry that has taken over the Dominican Republic:

But just as Inoa represents the face of a new generation of players, so too does Mercedes, 39, mark a new breed of buscones. Once marginalized, often poor, has-been (or never-were) baseball players looking to latch on to -- and profit from -- the island's national sport by training and then marketing promising prospects to major league teams, buscones have gone mainstream.

Utilizing his American education and previous wealth, Mercedes established a baseball academy, Born to Play, to attract players who dream of a career in the Majors.

But this does not benefit solely the athlete. Rather, the financial aspect is as much a motivator for Mercedes and other buscones. In 2006, legislation was signed capping the amount of a signing bonus paid to a buscon at 10 to 15 percent. However, according to Segura, that isn't always the case:

Sources say many buscones take anywhere from 10 to 40 percent for providing a player with coaching, equipment and food. But supplying these services requires seed money -- something that most buscones do not have. So today's smaller, less-financially solvent buscones usually sell their prospects to a larger operation or player academy, adding another layer to a complex, informal and unregulated player development process. With unofficial estimates placing the number of buscones anywhere from 300 to 1,300, one agent representing Dominican prospects says, "The players are now traded like cattle.

While there are certainly concerns over Inoa's close relationship with a professional bettor, it is the corruption that could be uncovered as a result of the FBI's investigation that is more troublesome.

While Mercedes' operation seems legal as far as anyone can tell, it is common practice for players and buscones to collude to drive up the player's price. Therefore, an athlete worth only a $100,000 signing bonus could end up with five or ten times that, in turn making it more profitable for the buscon.

The MLB's shady international system becomes more intriguing with as more is revealed, and I think we can expect to see many more revelations stemming from this process in the near future.

[SI.com]
[Get Ready For Another Scandal: FBI Investigating Dominican Signings]

Nationals Trade Rauch, Lose Seven Inches On Average Team Height

2008-07-23T11:55:00.001-04:00

Sasquatch makes a break for it.

The trade deadline is only eight days away, and this year looks like it could get real busy. Though the Angels and Cubs appear to be tops in their respective leagues, there are plenty of contenders vying for the scarce number of playoff spots, all of whom could plug a hole with a trade in the next week.

This year's playoff race is rare in that every team has some sort of glaring weakness, whether it be the bullpen (Milwaukee & St. Louis), offense (Arizona), starting pitching (Phillies), or a combination of the three. This results in what should be an exciting and tight finish, and so any deal, small or big, made in the next week could be the difference.

Arizona made a small play last night, shoring up their bullpen by adding Nationals closer Jon Rauch. The 6'11" right-hander has been a rare bright spot in D.C., filling in admirably for the injured Chad Cordero. He is a great addition, especially when all the DBacks had to give up was marginal prospect Emilio Bonifacio.

So... the Nats' best pitcher for one mediocre prospect... and that helps Washington how? Mysteries like this may never be solved.

Unfortunately for Arizona, Rauch will not help their terrible, terrible offense. Even if they manage to make the playoffs, which a .500 record might accomplish in the NL West, there is simply not enough offensive output to scare any potential oppenents.

via MLB Fanhouse

Wave-Catch Combination FAIL

2008-07-23T11:10:00.001-04:00

The whole Bleacher Creature roll call thing at Yankee Stadium is cute in a drunken and slightly homo-erotic way, and it's nice to see at least a little civil fan-player interaction nowadays. A-Rod should at least have the right to be acknowledged before he is booed mercilessly the rest of the game.

Now, players are expected to recognize the chants, but rarely do you see someone go above and beyond the call of duty by saluting the Creatures while simultaneously fielding a ground ball. What a true Yankee that Melky Cabrera, putting the fans above everything, including actually playing the game.

Derek Jeter would have acknowledged the fans with a two-handed wave while catching the ball in his mouth and then teleporting across the diamond to tag the runner. And make peace in Israel.

via Yankee Stadium Insider

The Happy Recap: Who Didn't See This Coming

2008-07-23T10:20:00.001-04:00

"I'm a married man, Jose, stop tempting me to switch-hit."

Phillies 8, Mets 6: The Mets were cruising along, ready to take sole posession of first place, until the unthinkable happened. And by unthinkable, I mean inevitable. Without closer Billy Wagner, New York went through relievers like A-Rod does spray-on tan, sending four to the hill in the ninth. The outcome was not pretty. Philadelphia proceeded to score six runs in the last frame to come back from a 5-2 deficit and hand Johan Santana another no-decision. He has just one win in his last nine starts. Closer Brad Lidge was the least bad pitcher in the ninth, giving up only one run to secure the victory. Joe Smith got the loss, and was one of two Mets relievers not able to record an out.

Marlins 4, Braves 0: Rick VandenHurk threw five no-hit innings in his first start since being re-called from Double-A, striking out seven in the process. Though he struggled with his control, VandenHurk stifled Atlanta with what Jeff Francoeur termed, "effective wildness," or Rick Ankiel circa 2000. A trio of relievers held the Braves to just one hit the rest of the way, preserving the shutout. It was the best Marlin pitching performance since Anibal Sanchez's no-hitter in 2006.

Yankees 8, Twins 2: The second-half surge is on in the Bronx, as the Yankees won their ninth straight at the Stadium and fifth consecutive overall. Robinson Cano made up for an early fielding mishap with two RBI and Bobby Abreu homered as New York rolled. They now sit at 10 games over .500 and are within striking distance of the first-place Rays, who lost last night. Derek Jeter was a clutch 1-5.

Tigers 7, Royals 1: If Detroit played in the NL West, they'd be in first right now, after last night's win put them two games over .500. The Tigers rain-soaked victory gave them 27 wins in their last 40 games, the most in the Majors. Placido Polanco and Magglio Ordonez both had 2 RBI as cameraman assaulter Kenny Rogers cruised through six, giving up just one run. Mark Grudzielanek had three hits for and only used his LifeGuardian twice for Kansas City.

Brewers 4, Cardinals 3: Bill Hall did it for the second consecutive night, homering in the ninth inning to break a three-all tie and give Milwaukee the first two games of the series. Tied after eight strong innings from Kyle Lohse, the Cards' bullpen decided they would not be shown up by the Mets and, much like they did on Monday, promptly gave away the game. The Brewers extended their hold on second place in the NL Central to two game and will go for the sweep with CC Sabathia on the mound tonight.

The Lineup: There Goes My Hero

2008-07-22T16:30:00.000-04:00

Babe Ruth: 714 home runs, .342 average, and one catch made on a ball dropped from a plane. [Babes Love Baseball]
The Royals now have position players pitching for them. This is the perfect time to bring back Lima time. Please. [Deadspin]
Manny Ramirez: Criminal [Mariners Blog]
Madonna. A-rod. Sex Tape. /loses will to live //gouges eyes with spoon ///hangs self. [Daily Star]
Remembering Jerome Holtzman and examining the evolution of his invention. [SI.com]
How does this man have a job. [Awful Announcing]
Ryan Howard & J-Roll are kings of the remix [The Fightins']

This Week Could Be Kinda Important

2008-07-22T15:00:00.000-04:00

It's been a pretty slow week in baseball thus far, but there are a few crucial series in store for us over the next four days. With the races in every division separated by only a few games, these mid-July matches will likely end up as difference makers.

Brewers (56-43) v. Cardinals (57-44)

Milwaukee took game one of this series thanks to some late inning heroics by under-performers Bill Hall and Rickie Weeks. They're going to need them to continue delivering to hold off the Cards, who have overcome pretty much every obstacle (injuries, no pitching, living in St. Louis) to craft a successful season.

With Sabathia taking the hill on Thursday, the Cardinals need to take tonight's game to avoid a crippling sweep.

Mets (53-46) v. Phillies (53-46)

New York's resurgence over the past few weeks put them right back in the thick of things, poised to re-claim the first place position forecasted for them in Spring Training. The Phillies, who jumped out of the gate only to hit a June lull, are trying to stave off competitors while they work out a deal to acquire more pitching.

The pitching matchups seem to heavily favor NY, with both Joe Blanton and Brett Myers (3-9 5.84) going for the Phils. It's impossible to predict what the up-and-down Mets will do, however, as the stopgap replacements will have to fall back down to Earth eventually.

Cubs (58-41) v. Marlins (52-47)

Usually this would be just another run-of-the-mill series for the Cubs but, with the way Florida has stuck around all season, they're always dangerous. Florida has overachieved this whole year, relying on the "hit it high and hope it's out" strategy, something that could be effective against Carlos Zambrano.

The Cubbies have a bit too much talent, however, and will be too motivated to widen the gap in the Central to lose he series.

Yankees (54-45) v. Red Sox (58-43)

In what has become standard operating procedure for the Yanks, their post-All-Star winning streak has them just 4 1/2 out of first, ready to make up the rest in a weekend series with Boston.

The Sox have better overall pitching, and will benefit from the absences of Posada and Matsui. To have a chance at making up ground, New York needs a big series from both Jason Giambi and Alex Rodriguez.

Barnum and Manny's Outfield Adventures Could Soon Be On the Move

2008-07-22T11:48:00.002-04:00

Manny Ramirez may be the most lovably quirky player in the Majors, but at what point does it cross the line from amusing to frustrating? A couple of days ago, Ramirez had a classic Manny-being-Manny moment, taking a Family Circus style path to a routine fly ball, botching it, and then loping after the ball as a run scored.

As an non-Red Sox fan, his antics are hilarious, and it's good to see someone having the kind of fun you rarely see in professional sports. But, with Ramirez' adventures in the outfield adding up, you have to wonder how long the organization is willing to value his hitting over the baggage that comes with it. According to SI, should the Rockies hold onto OF Matt Holliday until after the season, the Sox would pursue him and let Ramirez walk. Manny is currently in the last year of his guaranteed contract, with $20 mil. options for 2009 and '10.

While Holliday is not going to be the face of the franchise, he would represent a major defensive upgrade and give them a hitter in the prime of his career. Ramirez is still one of the best pure hitters in the game, but at 36 years old there's not much room for improvement. A 3-4 combo of Ortiz and Holliday would likely be just as potent in the coming years.

All of this, however, assumes Holliday is even available by the end of 2008. He is drawing major interest from a number of teams looking to improve at the deadline.

No matter Holliday's status, though, Boston will still have to decide what to do with Ramirez. He is a sure .300+, 25 homer performer, and $20 million is a fair price. But with Ortiz at DH, he would continue to be a liability in the field. Their best bet may be to dangle Manny in front of teams looking for a top-of-the-line DH, in hopes of getting his equivalent in an outfielder or prospects.

Manny Ramirez is the clown prince of the Red Sox, a player fans would have a tough time parting with, but in the interest of winning and the safety of other fielders, Manny might end up making his phone calls from another team's scoreboard in '09.

The Happy Recap: Rickie Weeks Would Not Like To Be Forgotten

2008-07-22T10:35:00.000-04:00

INVISIBL PUPPIT MASTR

Brewers 6, Cardinals 3: Milwaukee began to make the outside pass on the Cards with last night's win, pulling into second place in the Central thanks to Bill Hall's 10th inning home run. Tied 3-3 after Skip Schumaker's sac fly in the ninth, the Brewers took advantage of a shaky bullpen to record their fifth straight victory. Along with Hall, second baseman Rickie Weeks went 2-5 with a homer, making that whole Ray Durham acquisition look a bit silly. No worries, he'll likely resume draft bust status within the week. And hey, an Eric Gagne sighting!

Rays 4, A's 0: Shoulda-been-Met Scott Kazmir returned to early season form, allowing just two hits over seven innings. It was his eigth win overall, but only the second in his last eight starts dating back to early June. Tampa Bay maintained their 1 1/2 game lead over the Red Sox, moving to 18 games over .500. All the offense the Rays would need was provided by Evan Longoria, who homered for the third straight game.

DBacks 2, Cubs 0: Chicago can't deal with the all-business, all-party nature of the Mullet, who beat them again to improve to 13-0 in 14 starts vs. the Cubs. Rich Harden had a no-hitter going into the sixth, but his lack of an imaginative hair cut was his obvious downfall. That and Alex Romero's first career home run. Arizona improved to 49-50, keeping them in a tie for first (!?) with the Dodgers and the Malibu Little League Traveling Team.

Indians 5, Angels 2: The Indians remind me of the late-90s Mariners, who got better with each star they got rid of. Taking on the best team in the Majors, Cleveland won its third straight thanks to a trio of long balls from Andy Marte, Casey Blake, and Jhonny Peralta. Already missing their 3-4 hitters and without CC Sabathia, the team can climb out of the AL Central cellar with another win coupled with a Kansas City loss. Who knows, get rid of Grady Sizemore and they could soon be challenging for the division. Or just completely suck. On second thought, yeah, that's more likely. But only ten games under .500! Almost makes you forget they have to play in Ohio.

The Rally Monkey Gets Even More Annoying

2008-07-21T15:45:00.002-04:00

I legitimately thought the Rally Monkey died after 2002. After all, how much sense does it make that your franchise's hype machine is a stuffed animal that only appears when the team is losing? Doesn't that kind of reinforce the wrong concept?

If anything, you want a blowout monkey. Although 'blow' and 'monkey' probably shouldn't be that close together when trying to promote a family atmosphere. Also not promoting a family atmosphere: this guy.

via [Big League Stew]

Please Don't Let This Happen Again: The Yankees In The Playoffs, Pt. 2

2008-07-21T14:51:00.001-04:00

Part one showed that the Yankees are, historically, in the ideal position to make a run at the playoffs. However, certain factors unique to this season may impede the Bombers' pinstriped march to the postseason:

1. The AL East is kind of good.

And by good, we don't just mean the Red Sox. No, this year the Yanks will have to keep pace with both the Sox and the Tampa Bay Rays in order to secure a top two finish. The surprising Rays have maintained their stranglehold on the division despite losing seven in a row going into the break, and have the talent to stay there.

While in '07, the Yankees merely had to play to their potential to wrap up the Wild Card, they will have to overachieve in order to make up ground on two teams equally or more talented than them. Boston and Tampa have better pitching and a deep bench, crucial factors as the season lengthens and begins to take its toll. Additionally, the rest of the East (Baltimore, Toronto) is good enough to play a spoiler role as NY tries to put together extended winning streaks. There is simply no pushover team that the Yankees can steamroll to get their win count up. New York will have to play quality baseball night-in and night-out in order to leapfrog one of their rivals.

2. No candidates for a second-half surprise.

In 2007, there was Shelley Duncan and Andy Phillips. '06 had everybody asking, Got Melky? Bubba Crosby was the savior in '05. The Yankees have a knack for finding one or two players that unexpectedly break out with a torrid hitting streak. These are role players that get hot for a few weeks or a month, giving the Yanks the momentum they need to put a good winning streak together. But this year the best they can hope for is that Richie Sexson magically remembers the bat is supposed to make contact with the ball.

The rest of the bench is disappointing, and New York's production has come almost exclusively from the starting nine. That's fine, but if someone gets hurt or goes through a bad stretch, there is no one left to step up. This year's sparkplug will likely have to come in a deadline deal for a Jason Bay or Xavier Nady. If that happens, you're looking at one of the best lineups in baseball, but if not, there could be some dry times in the runs category.

3. Derek Jeter and Robinson Cano.

As much as Jeter gets flack here for his lack of defense and leadership, there is no arguing his value when it comes to getting on base and scoring runs. Though it might not be pretty or awe-inspiring, Jeter gets over 200 hits and scores 100 runs every year.

Ninety-eight games into this season, the shortstop has 103 hits and 55 runs. That's going to have to improve dramatically for New York to have a shot. Without Jeter hitting for a high average, the Yankees are forced to rely more on power, which can come and go without warning. Remember, one bad skid in the AL East and the season is lost. Captain Clutch's offensive regression could spell major trouble.

Robbie Cano is in the same boat. Though he isn't as crucial as Jeter, he is expected to hit .320+ with 15 homers, numbers he's not going to come close to in '08. Instead of a second leadoff hitter, Cano is now just another end-of-the-lineup hitter, a break for opposing pitchers.

4. The Schedule

This has little to do with historical trends, but is significant to the Yankees' need to reach 95 wins. Of the 64 games left, 25 (or 40%) are against the top three teams in the AL. New York plays the Red Sox nine times, the Rays six, and, most importantly, the LA Angels ten times.

The Yankees are historically bad vs the Angels, and this may be the toughest version yet. Winning even half of those games is going to be a tall order. They also end the season with a three game set at Fenway. This could very well determine which of the three gets an early start on their golf game.

The Yanks have enough experience to make it a pinstripe-laden September, but the past three years haven't provided this combination of obstacles. Making the playoffs is a tall order, but certainly something that would happen just to torture the rest of the country.

Please Don't Let This Happen Again: The Yankees in the Playoffs, Pt. 1

2008-07-21T12:55:00.001-04:00

With their recent sweep of the Oakland A's, we're at that point again in the season where we look up at the standings and are startled to see the New York Yankees just a few games out of playoff position. This is also known as the worst day of the year.

At eight games over .500, the Yanks have positioned themselves for a second-half surge. It has become a sort of routine: Sleepwalk through the first half, clinging on to mediocrity, and then come to work a few days before the All-Star break and start earning some of that $200 million payroll.

At 53-45, New York has been consistent in its early season underachieving over the past four years, posting similar records through 98 games since 2005. During each of those years the Yankees recovered to make the playoffs.

So, does New York really have a legitimate shot at making some noise come September? If history is any indication, all signs point to yes:

1. The Yankees are in pretty much the same position, record-wise, after 98 games:

2008: 53-45

2007: 52-46

2006: 58-40

2005: 53-45

After middling first halves, New York kicked it into high gear, finishing with an average of 95.3 wins. In order to reach 95 wins this year, the Yanks would have to go 42-22 over their 64 remaining games, a feat they've come close to or accomplished the past three years. Though the AL East is one of the toughest, that many wins makes a team a serious contender in any division.

2. New York has four solid starters for the first time in four years:

With the addition of Joba Chamberlain, the Yanks staff has a consistent fourth starter to add to a solid three of Andy Pettitte, Mike Mussina, and Chien Ming Wang. Pettitte has been the workhorse of the staff while Mussina is surprising everyone with an excellent year, and Wang has been the ace when healthy. Add to that spot starts by the improved Darrell Rasner and Sidney Ponson and you have a competent rotation.

In the past, the Yankees haven't had that dependability despite some big names. Seemingly everyone in the farm system tried out for the no. 4 starter spot last year, with no one making a real impact. In '06 and '05, aging pitchers like Randy Johnson and Kevin Brown did more damage than they were worth. Add the disastrous Kei Igawa and it's a wonder the Yanks were able to even stay afloat.

3. Bounce-back years from high-profile veterans like Jason Giambi and Johnny Damon.

Last year, the Yankees won in spite of Giambi's steroid-hangover slump, and it seemed like Johnny Damon was being pushed out of a starting spot. One year later, Giambi is beloved in NY, with his mustache, high OBP and team-leading 20 home runs. He is once again a power threat in the middle of the lineup. Damon gives the Yankees a true leadoff hitter again, batting 50 points higher than in '07 and reclaiming his playing time from Melky Cabrera. With these two, New York presents a lineup full of proven hitters, save for Robinson Cano.

Over the past three years, the first base position has been manned by the pitcher-friendly trio of Doug Mientkiewicz, Andy Phillips, and an aging Tino Martinez. With Giambi at first, it opens up the DH position to Hideki Matsui or the hottest hitter at the time.

4. A career year by Mariano Rivera.

Rivera has always been great, but this season he is the best closer in baseball. One could make a case for Joakim Soria or K-Rod, but the 1.22 ERA, 0 blown saves, and 6 ER tell the whole story. Mariano is on the top of his game and is the one thing the Rays or Red Sox can't equal.

Getting the ball to Rivera, which has been a problem in the past, is made easier thanks to good performances by Kyle Farnsworth and Edwar Ramirez. The middle innings doomed the Yankees many times last year, but it doesn't seem to be as much of a problem now, as long as LaTroy Hawkins (5.63 ERA) isn't allowed to touch the mound.

Overall, it seems like the Yankees have a good chance at taking over the AL East once again. History is on their side, and this year's team is likely better, talent-wise, than past incarnations. However, there are some factors that make the Yanks' 2008 run unique, and tougher as well. We'll address those next.

The Happy Recap: Improving on Mediocrity

2008-07-21T10:33:00.004-04:00

Brah, nollie kickflip boardside grab with a 360 over the runner. Gnarly.

Yankees 2, A's 1: New York moved a season-high eight games over .500 with their sweep of the slumping A's. Justin Duchscherer, despite battling illness, went seven innings and gave up just two runs to give Oakland a chance. However, the Yankees' Andy Pettite stopped snitchin' long enough to shut down the A's lineup, striking out nine in the process. Jason Giambi's homer provided the winning margin. A-Rod also drove in a run with a sac fly, and provided the best moment of the game when he tried to prance out of the way of the catcher after getting gunned at home by Ryan Sweeney. Richie Sexson: not a factor.

Cubs 9, Astros 0: Ryan Dempster, who is 10-1 at Wrigley, but as comfortable away from home as a blind parapeligic with anxiety disorder, got a road win for the first time in 2 years last night in Houston. Dempster allowed six hits, all singles, in eight shutout innings. The victory snapped the Cubs' three-game losing streak, during which they batted just .210. Carlos Marmol pitched the ninth for Chicago, who might see him in that role for an extended amount of time. Closer Kerry Wood will likely have to go on the DL due to a very manly finger blister.

Mets 7, Reds 5: The Mets were able to salvage a split of the series, keeping them in a tie for first going into their series vs. the Philadelphia Phillies. Jose Reyes led New York with four hits, three runs, a steal, and two different choreographed handshakes, while Carlos Delgado and Ramon Castro also contributed offense. Despite an uncharacteristic outing by Mike Pelfrey, the Reds could not hold the lead, allowing the Mets to tie it in the seventh and win it on Edwin Encarnacion's error. They have now won 11 of the past 13.

Angels 5, Red Sox 3: The Angels became the first team to 60 wins with their sweep of Boston, coming from behind with three runs in the eighth inning. Vlad Guerrero and Torii Hunter also homered on consecutive pitches for LA, who have now won five straight. The two-run margin gave closer Francisco Rodriguez the chance to convert his 40th save in just 98 games, shattering John Smoltz' record and continuing his march to the overall save record.

Cardinals 9, Padres 5: Aaron Miles scored one for average sized people everywhere, slamming a walk-off grand slam to finish off a sweep of San Diego. The 5'8" 175 lb. infielder took Bryan Corey deep after the Padres had scored two in the top of the frame to take the lead. It was his third home run of the season. Albert Pujols, Rick Ankiel, and Troy Glaus all added RBIs. Former closer Jason Isringhausen got his first save opportunity since May, but frittered away the opportunity, leaving the field to a chorus of boos before Miles saved the day. With the sweep, the Cards are keeping pace with the division leading Cubs, two games behind and three in the loss column.

The Second Half: AL Predictions in 10 Words or Less

2008-07-17T12:23:00.006-04:00

Second half AL predictions. Ten words per team, no timeouts. Annnnd.. Go:

Baltimore Orioles- No playoff hopes in this division. Especially with Luke Scott.

Boston Red Sox- J.D. Drew is team MVP. Never thought we'd hear that.

Chicago White Sox- Twins collapse, Chicago the least convincing playoff team of '08.

Cleveland Indians- Sizemore gets 40/40 but Indians still inexplicably suck. Blame Borowski.

Detroit Tigers- Should've started playing when everyone else did, Cabrera still fat.

Kansas City- $55 mil. for Gil Meche? Going nowhere until he's gone.

LA Angels- Vlad impales on regular basis. Best ML record. Thanks, pitchers.

Minnesota Twins- This isn't 1997. Livan Hernandez as ace doesn't cut it.

New York Yankees- Barely miss the postseason, Hank Steinbrenner takes control. Bad News.

Oakland A's- Beane is a genius, but Harden deal remains a mystery.

Seattle Mariners- M's need magic of an Ichiro tirade. And a miracle.

Tampa Bay Rays- Hit tought times on the road, limp towards Wild Card.

Texas Rangers- Hamilton slows down, but offense still great. Unfortunately, no pitching.

Toronto Blue Jays- Burnett maddeningly inconsistent, eventually traded. Canada still just America's hat.

The NL teams can be found here.

The Second Half: NL Predictions in 10 Words or Less

2008-07-17T10:22:00.007-04:00

After enduring a whole 24 hours without live sports, the MLB season thankfully resumes tonight, with four games on the slate. About 60% through the season, four of the six division leaders are clinging onto first place by 1 1/2 games or less, making for what should be a tense playoff stretch.

In a moment of ambition, I was going to write a long and detailed preview and prediction post for all thirty teams. But nobody wants to slog through a bunch of stuff they already know along with some hack predictions. So, I figure, why use 10 paragraphs when all we really need about a team is 10 words? If you want to 1,500 rambling words that finally come to what is usually a wrong conclusion, you can go read Bill Simmons or S.A.S. Here, we try to streamline our wrong conclusions to maximize efficiency. And laziness.

30 teams, 10 words each. NL goes first:

Arizona Diamondbacks- Need to stop choking. Haren steps up, barely win division.

Atlanta Braves- Texeira traded, Hampton returns, gets hurt. Rinse. Repeat. $121 million.

Chicago Cubs- Soriano's return makes lineup very scary, win Central by 3 .

Cincinnati Reds- Volquez falters, but young team primed for breakout in '09.

Colorado Rockies- God's team makes a run, but no miracles this year.

Florida Marlins- Ramirez is a star, but can't win East by himself.

Houston Astros- Too bad Berkman can't pitch, still takes MVP over Utley.

LA Dodgers- Torre is stubborn, Jones and Pierre somehow still starters. Guhh.

Milwaukee Brewers- Fat One leads them to promised land, NL Wild Card.

New York Mets- Can't make a deadline deal. Massive injuries, Wagner still terrible.

Philadelphia Phillies- Howard finishes with 52, but ChUtley carries them into playoffs.

Pittsburgh Pirates- Most underrated ML outfield broken up as Pirates rebuild... again.

St. Louis Cardinals- Healthy Cards stick around, but NL Central is too good.

San Diego Padres- What a mess. Adrian Gonzalez draws up an escape plan.

San Francisco Giants- Good: Zito does not lose 20. Bad: He loses 18.

Washington Nationals- Owner forced to pay rent, FBI investigates Bowden. Franchise Fail.

Team USA Selects Roster for 2008 Smog Olympics

2008-07-17T09:49:00.003-04:00

Fourteen Major League organizations will be represented when Team USA travels to the Beijing Olympics in August. Manager Davey Johnson announced the roster yesterday, which includes power hitter Matt LaPorta, the key player in the Brewers' swap for CC Sabathia.

LaPorta went to the Cleveland Indians along with two others in exchange for the ace pitcher, and is considered a top first base prospect. Joining him as representatives from the Indians will be pitcher Jeff Stevens.

Another notable inclusion is San Diego State pitcher Stephen Strasburg. Strasburg turned heads when he struck out 23 batters in a game on April 11, and will be the only college player on the team. The rest of the roster is made up of 14 Triple-A and seven Double-A players, with Baltimore pitcher Jake Arrieta the lone Class A participant.

Team USA is looking to bounce back from a disappointing 2003-04, in which they failed to qualify after losing to Mexico in prelims. It was a far cry from the dominant, gold-medal winning team led by Tommy Lasorda in 2000. With Baseball shelved as an Olympic sport for at least the 2012 Olympics, the USA will look to recapture its title and hold onto it until at least 2016. Team workouts will begin sometime later this month.

There is one spot yet to be filled, but here is the roster for the Beijing Olympics:

Cleveland Indians- 1B Matt La Porta, P Jeff Stevens
Oakland- P Brett Anderson, P Trevor Cahill
St. Louis- OF Colby Rasmus, IF Brian Barden
LA Angels- IF Matthew Brown, P Kevin Jepsen
Philadelphia- IF Jason Donald, C Louis Marson
Colorado- OF Dexter Fowler, P Casey Weathers
Detroit- IF Mike Hessman, P Blaine Neal
LA Dodgers- P Mike Koplove, IF Terry Tiffee
Baltimore- P Jake Arrieta
San Francisco- P Gino Espineli
Florida- John Gall
NY Mets- P Brandon Knight
Chicago White Sox- P Clayton Richard
Texas- C Taylor Teagarden

[USA Baseball]

The Lineup: All-Star Game Schaudenfreud

2008-07-16T16:45:00.000-04:00

Some final thoughts on the All-Star game and its festivities as we recover from our 15-inning induced hangover and Tim Lincecum recovers from his actual hangover:

The Batting Stance Guy immortalizes the '08 ASG starters from his own backyard. [Bugs & Cranks]
There are a number of things you can do in the space of five hours. Watching the All-Star game is not among the top choices. [Undrafted Free Agent]
David Wright's surprise party for his real, non-tv reporter girlfriend. [The Big Lead]
A-Rod's party was significantly less successful. [Page Six]
Giving ESPN The Mag a verbal beating. [Desipio]
Gathering firewood is apparently a crucial summer activity for the McCowns [Palm Beach Post]

Dodgers' Saito Out For Six Weeks, Andruw Jones Unfortunately Still Healthy

2008-07-16T13:11:00.001-04:00

The Dodgers' quest to be this year's most mediocre playoff team suffered a blow yesterday when it was announced that closer Takashi Saito will be out until late August. Saito was diagnosed with a sprained elbow ligament in his pitching arm after having to leave Saturday's game vs. the Marlins.

LA will be without their closer's services for at least six weeks, at which point he will be reevaluted. Saito has 17 saves in 20 chances this season. The Dodgers will likely look in-house for a replacement, turning to setup man Jonathan Broxton or Hong Chih Kuo. Broxton has late-game experience while Kuo has a team-best 1.69 ERA.

The Dodgers are currently 46-49 but just one game behind the first-place Arizona Diamondbacks. Though they lead the NL in ERA and have gotten all-around solid pitching, offensive disappointments such as Jeff Kent and Andruw Jones have failed to provide the run support needed to take control of the division.

Clemens is Screwed Part Deux

2008-07-16T12:20:00.000-04:00

See, what had happened was...

It's perhaps the deadest day of the sports year, which is extremely bad news for the sinking ship that is the USS Roger Clemens.

Two weeks after Brian McNamee's lawyers provided syringes allegedly used by Clemens, admitted 'roid supplier Kirk Radomski reportedly found documentary evidence that HGH was shipped to the pitcher's house.

According to the Daily News, Radomski happened upon shipping receipts from 2002 and '03 that document the sending of Human Growth Hormone to Clemens. The dates of the receipts coincide with times during which Clemens' wife used the drug in preparation for her Sports Illustrated Swimsuit shoot. Such evidence seems to corroborate claims that the former Yankee introduced his wife to HGH and was present when she first used. Clemens denies having any knowledge of his wife's experience with the steroid.

The cheater's gaggle of lawyers is denying any knowledge of such packing slips, but we all know that's a crock. Clemens has dug himself a grave and every new piece of evidence shovels more dirt onto him.

He has no sympathy from fellow players or fans because of his increasingly ludicrous denials, and has pretty much destroyed any chance at a Hall of Fame bid. Hope the underage country singers and shots in the ass were worth it. How's that defamation suit coming now, Roger?

[NY Daily News]

The 2008 MLB All-Star Game: I Am Billy Wagner's Lack Of Concern for the Common Man

2008-07-16T02:34:00.000-04:00

It is 1:40 AM. I have just finished watching the entire All-Star game. Including the player introductions, mindless pre-game drivel from Buck and McCarver, and parts of the utterly useless parade down 6th Ave. So excuse me if this post includes subtle hints of anger and irritation.

I would give myself paper cuts while running on hot coals and being raped by a baby kangaroo before enduring another game like the one on which I just wasted FIVE HOURS. Okay, maybe not the kangaroo part. But paper cuts and hot coals? Hell and yes. Every notable moment in this game was designed to frustrate me more than a priest at an elementary school. Curse my unexplainable need to watch games all the way to the bitter end.

There is nothing I can point to and say, "Well at least I had the privilege of seeing that." Nope, just fifteen innings of blown chances and Joe Buck, ending on Michael Young's lazy sac fly to right. And for that I blame Billy Wagner.

The least deserving All-Star of all time needed to record just one out, but apparently that was a bit too difficult. It's only his job. Instead, Wagner gave up a single to Grady Sizemore and gift-wrapped second for him. From then on, it was only a matter of time before Longoria came through with the game-tying hit. In twelve pitches, my night went from relaxing and enjoyable to a life-sucking test of my survival instinct. So, thank you, Billy Wagner, I'm sure all of New York looks forward to your presence in the second half.

For those who were in favor of retaining their desire to live and didn't see the whole game, here's a rundown of the notable moments:

45 whole minutes of pre-game "festivities," including the introductions of all the HOFers present at each position. Yogi Berra's ears have expanded to become a separate entity.
FOX's increasingly unbearable ads for their latest show to be canceled after two weeks, The Fringe. Likely caused hundreds of seizures with it's strobe light presentation of about fifteen different things/people blowing up. As you can see, FOX is really branching out.
Matt Holliday's home run in the fifth to break the scoreless tie. At this point, the game was halfway entertaining. That would change. It was Holliday's first ASG hit.
Yankee fans cheering J.D. Drew after he hit a game-tying home run off Edinson Volquez. Those New York fans, they're so supportive. Just big 'ol softies.
Chants of "Over-rated" rain down on Jonathan Papelbon in response to his blown-out-of-proportion comments regarding who should close the game for the AL. Spoiler: the point would be decidedly moot. The dancing white man gives up an unearned run to make it 3-2.
Billy Wagner. Fuck.
Dan Uggla, bringer of all things terrible, makes two consecutive errors to load the bases with no outs.
Aaron Cook saves the day, inducing three straight ground balls to preserve the tie.
Miguel Tejada's great play on the third ground ball, a dribbler that the shortstop charged and threw on the run, barely nipping the runner.
Christian Guzman's stellar performance at third base. The natural second baseman recorded the other two outs of that inning.
The rest of Uggla's snakebitten night: 0-3 with three K's and another error in the 13th.
J.D. Drew's stolen base in the 13th, the ASG record seventh total swipe of the game.
Carlos Quentin's extremely audible "Fuck!" after striking out with Drew in scoring position.
Nate McLouth's game-saving throw from centerfield to gun down Dioner Navarro at home.
Me resorting to reading Tucker Max's tales of douchebaggery in order to stay awake as we entered the 15th inning.
Bud Selig breathing easy after Morneau's score avoids a potential tie situation and media field day.

That is all. Major League Baseball owes me at least five hours of my life back. Props to CTC at Walkoff Walk for valiantly live-blogging the entire debacle. This was truly a Mid-Summer Mistake.

Francisco Rodriguez Is 'Bout To Get Paid

2008-07-15T16:27:00.000-04:00

I'm rich, biyatch!

Looking to cash in on what could be a record-breaking season, closer Francisco Rodriguez announced he's going to test free agency this winter. According to the LA Times, the Angels' ninth-inning man will not accept a contract extension, blaming the team for not getting the deal done soon enough.

"I'm going to go out there and explore the market," Rodriguez said. "They had six years. They didn't get anything done with me. If I wait six years, why not wait another 2 1/2 months?"

K-Rod's decision sets him up to receive what could be the most lucrative contract ever given to a closer. He has 38 saves this season, putting him on pace to break Bobby Thigpen's record of 57. Add to that the distinction of having the most saves in the majors over the last four years, and the age factor (Rodriguez is just 26), and he's primed for a big payoff.

Mariano Rivera is currently the highest-paid closer in the league, after he signed a 3-year, $45 million extension with the Yankees. Rivera remains among the best in the game, but is 12 years older than Rodriguez.

Though he wouldn't rule out returning to the Angels for the right price, there's likely to be high competition from a number of teams. Being that nobody in the NL Central has a dependable bullpen, much less a closer, and deep pocket teams like the Braves and Indians are in the same boat, Rodriguez is hitting free agency at the perfect time.

[LA Times]

Off Topic: Erin Andrews and Tim Tebow Bask In Groupie Love

2008-07-15T11:36:00.002-04:00

This doesn't have much* to do with baseball, but when Erin Andrew is involved I figure you won't really care. Seeing video of EA and Tim Tebow together was almost too much cool for me to handle at once.

*by 'much' I mean 'anything'

So, How can Gainesville be Titletown despite not having any pro sports teams? And how des ESPN still get away with spending half their broadcast on this meaningless fluff? The answer to both: Because they have Erin Andrews.

via Awful Announcing

All-Star Lineups: Josh Hamilton v. National League

2008-07-15T11:16:00.002-04:00

Hamilton is also an all-pro YMCA dancer

Josh Hamilton has already been declared the winner of All-Star Weekend, cured AIDS, made peace in the Middle East, and singlehandedly negotiated lower gas prices while also being inducted into the World Hall of Fame, but it looks like the MLB is going to go through with the main event anyway.

Both managers announced their lineups yesterday, and it looks something like this:

National League

Hanley Ramirez
Chase Utley
Lance Berkman
Albert Pujols
Chipper Jones
Matt Holliday
Ryan Braun
Kosuke Fukudome
Geovany Soto

Pitcher- Ben Sheets

American League

Ichiro
Captain Clutch
Josh "God" Hamilton
A-Rod
Manny Ramirez
Milton Bradley
Kevin Youkilis
Joe Mauer
Dustin Pedroia

Pitcher- Cliff Lee

At first glance, it looks like the NL has a shot to win this thing for the first time in eleven years, although, at the rate Hamilton is going, he'll hit four dramatic home runs and resuscitate a baby in the process.

Chase Utley Disagrees With Your Opinion

2008-07-15T10:57:00.001-04:00

Being a Mets fan, hating everything about Philly comes as naturally as slipping "yo" or "down the shore" into every conversation. But Chase Utley earned my respect for at least one night with his priceless reaction to the Bronx cheer he received at the HR Derby:

Touche, good sir.

Josh Hamilton Makes The HR Derby His Own National Holiday

2008-07-15T10:10:00.003-04:00

It's very rare that a story can go from breaking news to overdone in the space of just a few hours, especially when most normal people are spending those hours sleeping. But the internet needs no rest, and that's why I'm probably the 138495th person with the words "Josh" and "Hamilton" in his headline.

Everyone knows Hamilton's story, his odyssey from No. 1 pick to heroin addict and back to feel-good story of the year. ESPN is so obsessed with the story they probably put a GPS up his ass to track his every movement. If he played in New York or Boston, the Bristol headquarters would surely implode.

But for once, I can't really disagree with the media frenzy surrounding Hamilton. He is a true American story, one that represents not the ideals (patriotism, capitalism, rags to riches), but the everyday realities of the country. His is not a perfect story by any stretch of the imagination. If he was able to live life over again, I'm sure Hamilton would jump at the chance. It's these flaws, though, that endear him to fans throughout the nation. It's a made-for-the-movies life full of wasted talent, personal conflict, and eventual redemption. He is part badass, with the tattoos and shady background, and part All-American good guy, receptive to the media and willing to showcase his every move to the curious public.

Last night, All-Star Weekend became a Josh Hamilton national holiday, as he pounded home runs into the far reaches of Yankee stadium, the ball exploding off the bat as he followed through on perhaps the sweetest swing I've seen this side of Ken Griffey Jr. It was an awesome display that made the Home Run Derby, as a whole, watchable (in spite of Chris Berman and the SEVEN other broadcasters).

You have to wonder what Hamilton could've been if he never ran into trouble shortly after being drafted by the Rays. It's a question that surely lingers in the back of the young outfielder's mind, his tattoos a constant reminder of wasted years. Josh Hamilton made mistakes, did reprehensible things, of which he should not be miraculously absolved. However, that dark time has passed and if Hamilton, the user himself, can move on, maybe its time for us to join him. After last night, he should no longer be Josh Hamilton: the former drug addict. He is Josh Hamilton: natural athlete, baseball player, and just another man who just wants to enjoy the moment.

The Lineup: Drink, Drink, Drink, Drink...

2008-07-14T16:30:00.000-04:00

Perhaps the only legitimate reason to put up with Chris Berman's voice tonight. [Home Run Derby]
The '08 season's off-the-field highlights, also known as the Roger Clemens show. [flatusyahu]
Derek Jeter has no friends in the offices (mothers' basements) of statisticians [Slate]
Chris Henry: Free At Last. [WCPO]
Things You Never Thought Would Happen: Stephen A. Smith speaks and sports fans everywhere stand and applaud. [Awful Announcing]

MLB Ad Reassures Us There Are Still Just Twelve Months in a Year

2008-07-14T14:55:00.000-04:00

There's only one October, according to Major League Baseball, dispelling any speculation of a potential thirteenth month. Big League Stew has a look at the commercial FOX is going to bombard you with for the next three months. It's probably the weakest postseason ad of the four major sports, but at least this year it's not Dane Cook.

Get Ready for Another Scandal: FBI Investigating Domincan Signings

2008-07-14T13:52:00.001-04:00

The LA Times announced this weekend that the FBI is investigating allegations of skimming by individuals involved in the signing of Latin players. There is suspicion surrounding the amount that these players are being paid and whether MLB employees or Dominican scouts (buscones) are pocketing a portion of the signing bonus.

Latin players are not subject to the amateur draft and therefore are treated as free agents. They negotiate contracts with Major League teams through these buscones, who take an up-front cut of the players' contract money. However, the probe has revealed that the buscones may be taking more than originally agreed upon, with the help of complicit team reps:

One thing the feds will investigate is whether team representatives have become complicit in that practice in exchange for a kickback. One National League executive, who insisted on anonymity, said he offered a $60,000 bonus to a prospect a couple of years ago only to have the buscon demand 10 times that much. Three months later, the executive said, the player signed with another team for more than $1.5 million.

The investigation certainly has the potential to affect major change in the way teams are allowed to deal with players outside of the US. The buscones sound similar to the coyotes that negotiate with businesses to traffic in illegal immigrants from Mexico, in that both are being paid as middlemen with little supervision governing their moral conduct, due to the lawless nature of the industry.

Jose Rijo's Baseball Academy in San Cristobal, D.R.

A day later, ESPN sources claimed that Nationals GM Jim Bowden and special assistant Jose Rijo are central targets of the probe. The source says that both are under suspicion of having received kickbacks from Dominican signings. Bowden said he had been in contact with the FBI but was never informed of any personal investigation:

Federal authorities and Major League Baseball are investigating Washington Nationals general manager Jim Bowden and special assistant Jose Rijo for their possible roles in a growing financial scandal involving the signing of players from the Dominican Republic, several sources familiar with the probe told ESPN.

One source, an MLB official speaking on the condition of anonymity, said the investigation was "in its infancy" and involved allegations about several teams and their employees.

Realistically, shady deals like this probably go down on a regular basis, as there are practically no enforceable guidelines around these signings. I've always been concerned that there is no age limit on signings, and that 16-year-olds are routinely being put under contract. It's true that getting signed often pulls these players out of poverty, but there is no public knowledge of the unwritten contracts held with these buscones. It's a situation ripe for corruption fraud.

We'll see how this all shakes out in the coming months.

[LA Times]
[ESPN]

Urge to Kill...Rising...

2008-07-14T12:14:00.001-04:00

Hip-hop is dead... and Red Sox Nation killed it. Thank you, New England, for making the country collectively dumber.

I think my ears are bleeding.

Lima Time 2: Back in the States

2008-07-14T11:50:00.001-04:00

Brah! Frat!

You have to admire the perseverance of Jose Lima. The Dominican-born pitcher is somehow still playing professional baseball despite being about a decade past his prime. Since going 21-10 for Houston in 1999, Lima has been no better than mediocre but always manages to do just enough to garner a look-see by some low-level ML team. Sometimes, it pays off: He went 13-5 for the Dodgers in 2004.

Most times it doesn't: 4-6 for Detroit with a 7.77 ERA in 2002 and 5-16 for KC in 2005.

Yet, after toiling for almost two years in Japan, Lima Time is back in the States pitching for the independent Camden Riversharks. With the dearth of pitching among the MLB's worst teams, Lima will certainly be called on in the near future. It will be a triumph for career clingers with hot wives everywhere.

[via Deadspin]

Jose Canseco: KTFO

2008-07-14T11:23:00.002-04:00

There are very few people that like Jose Canseco. He's the face of baseball's steroid scandal, and his constant publicity whoring has eliminated any good will he might have built up by coming clean. Now, fresh off of throwing former workout partner/pop singer sleepover buddy Alex Rodriguez under the bus in his latest book, Canseco is trying to peddle his newest image as an amateur boxer.

Claiming to have a black belt in three different types of martial arts, the former A's slugger took on Vai Sikahema over the weekend in a celebrity boxing event. The match consisted of three 2-minute rounds, but Canseco saw things end a little bit earlier than that:

That's a first round knockout for Sikahema, who is seven inches shorter and fifty pounds lighter. This should help Canseco's image.

[via The Caveman Network]

Bobby Murcer: 1946-2008

2008-07-14T11:01:00.001-04:00

All-Star weekend began on a sad note with news of the death of longtime Yankee Bobby Murcer. Murcer played 17 seasons as an outfielder, mostly with the Yankees, and was a five-time All-Star and Gold Glove winner. After retiring, he returned to New York as a broadcaster, calling Yankee games until 2001. Murcer died on Saturday after a long battle with brain cancer. He was a good ballplayer and, by all accounts, a great person and teammate. From Steve Politi's article in the Star-Ledger:

There are more accomplished players in Yankees history than Bobby Murcer, Hall of Famers with bigger numbers and more world championships. But for a generation of fans, no player was more beloved. He was the one reason to turn on WPIX and watch games as the dynasty of the '60s started to crumble, the young player fans latched on to during some difficult seasons.

It is never easy to pinpoint exactly what makes a player a fan favorite. With Murcer, maybe it was as simple as knowing that he never took a night off. Maybe it was the sense that, beyond being a very good ballplayer, fans were cheering for an even better person.

Bobby Murcer was shining example of class in professional sports, and his death is truly a blow to the baseball community.

[Nj.com]

The Happy Recap: CC Sabathia Rapidly Approaching Brett Favre Status

2008-07-14T10:19:00.001-04:00

Brewers 3, Reds 2: CC Sabathia threw a complete game and helped his own cause with a third inning home run over the right field wall, downgrading Prince Felder to the number two power-hitting fat man on the team. The pitching performance was a reassuring sign that Sabathia has gotten himself back on track after early season struggles. He scattered eight hits while striking out nine. Most importantly, it's two wins in two starts for the Brewers, who are currently five games out of first.

Indians 5, Rays 2: If Cleveland could play the Rays every game, they might be half-way competitive, as last night's victory extended their win streak against Tampa Bay to 13 games. The Rays seem intent on giving the division away, falling a half-game behind the Red Sox after losing their seventh straight. I blame Dick Vitale. Indians starter Jeremy Sowers looked more like Scott Kazmir, walking seven but striking out eight in four innings. The always-effective Tom Mastny (12.96 ERA) ended up earning the win with two scoreless innings.

Dodgers 9, Marlins 1: LA starter Chad Billingsley struck out a career-high 13 and allowed just one run over seven innings. Billingsley, who fanned Dan Uggla three times, got immediate run support to the tune of six runs in the first inning. The opening frame went so well that even Andruw Jones got on base and came around to score, giving him 19 runs on the season. That's an income of $736,842 per run for those keeping score at home. The Dodgers are 46-49 and somehow one game out of first in the terrible, terrible, NL West.

Red Sox 2, Orioles 1: Daisuke Matsuzaka improved to 10-1 on the season with six scoreless innings and J.D. Drew and Dustin Pedroia provided the offense in Boston's second straight win. They improved to 36-11 at home and moved a half-game up on the Tampa Bay Rays on Vermont Day at Fenway Park. In honor of the state, all white people with high cholesterol and a risk for heart disease got in free.*

*probably not 100% true
**sees group of hooded white men assembled outside

Rangers 12, White Sox 11: Ozzie Guillen described it as "one of the worst baseball games I've ever seen," but for Texas it was business as usual, outslugging the Sox despite falling behind 2-0 after just three pitches. Matt Harrison and Dustin Nippert allowed a combined 14 hits in the first 5 1/3 innings for the Rangers, but Ian Kinsler and Milton Bradley led an offensive charge that touched up Jose Contreras for seven runs. Kinsler now has a hit streak of 25 games going into the break. Since giving up on the idea of quality pitching and focusing solely on offense, the Rangers have lost only four of their last 23 series since starting the season a league-worst 7-16.

Mets 7, Rockies 0: New York won its ninth game in a row thanks to another strong pitching performance, this time by Mike Pelfrey. The young right-hander and least injury prone of them all won his sixth straight start, dominating for eight innings. The Mets' streak is their longest since 2000, sweeping a series in which the Rockies were held to one run over three games. New York is just a half-game behind the divisions leading Phillies. Even better, nobody was hurt last night. Not even a little bit.

Here's Hoping: Pitchers Get Custody of the Game On Weekends

2008-07-11T16:30:00.001-04:00

Here's Hoping is a list of things we want to see happen over the weekend, but mainly an excuse to post a weekly picture of a drunk athlete. This week it's Chicago Cubs reclamation project and serial licker Jim Edmonds.

...Rich Harden gets through his Cubs debut on Saturday injury-free. The man is a top five pitcher when healthy, but is about as brittle as a maple bat in the desert.
...The Tampa Bay Rays can snap their mini-losing streak against the Indians tonight. They spent all this time convincing us that the team is for real, so it would not be wise to collapse and subject us to more Red Sox-Yankees fellatio.
...The selection of under-appreciated Corey Hart to the All-Star team sheds some light on others who are playing well but flying below the radar. Pittsburgh's Xavier Nady (.320, 55 RBI) immediately springs to mind.
...Greg Maddux gets a win this Saturday. This will be his twelfth try at a positive decision since notching no. 350, and he has been robbed of wins by San Diego's incompetence all year.
...that the Reds-Brewers game ends up a pitching duel. CC Sabathia is matched up against Homer Bailey, a highly touted prospect who's struggled at the Major League level so far.
...for that matter, all of the quality pitching matchups live up to the hype. This weekend alone there's Lincecum v. Dempster, Webb v. Hamels, Shields v. Lee, and Saunders v. Duchscherer
...Something in Tiger Woods' life goes right. The poor man only has a hot wife, island home, huge yacht, and a bank account that will reach $1 billion in the next two years.
...This sudden obsession with mustaches goes away as soon as humanly possible. Jason Giambi grew a mustache? And then started hitting? Magical! Only having a caterpillar on your face could do something like this! All is forgiven Mr. Giambi, because now you have a godawful patch of hair on your face. Please, just stop. Unless we get more interviews from the American Mustache Institute. Then I'm willing to negotiate.
...US Olympic Breaststroker Eric Shanteau is still able to swim in Beijing after learning he has testicular cancer.
...The Clippers can find someone to help out my boy Beard. The Elton Brand thing was business, pure and simple, but LA badly needs to find a replacement. And not Kwame Brown.

2008-07-11T15:47:00.002-04:00

Mets' third baseman David Wright will take Alfonso Soriano's spot on the All-Star team. Soriano is currently on the DL with a broken hand, allowing the Rockies' Matt Holliday to make the start and creating an open reserve spot. Wright is hitting .288 with 17 home runs and 70 RBI.

Washington Nationals Can't Pitch, Hit, Pay Rent

2008-07-11T13:13:00.000-04:00

Some serious financial controversy is brewing in Washington D.C., and, for once, it doesn't involve Blackwater. The worst-run organization in D.C. this side of the White House seems to have bigger problems than its 35-58 record and nonexistent pitching staff.

According to the Washington Post, Nationals management owes the city $3.5 million in overdue rent. The team's refusal to pay up stems from a dispute over the state of the new stadium that was built by the city. The Lerner family, who owns the Washington Nationals, claim that the park is not finished, while the city feels it's entitled to the rent because Nationals Park has been in full use since March.

Lerner cites the lack of LED lights around the scoreboard as good reason to withhold payments. Meanwhile, the franchise takes all the profit from food, drink, and merchandise sales within the publicly funded stadium. Sounds to me like a cheap owner trying to wiggle his way out of any expenses he can, and we wonder why the Nationals haven't improved since moving to D.C.

[Washington Post]

All-Star Selection and Abstinence Training All Wrapped Up Into One

2008-07-11T11:13:00.002-04:00

The last two All-Star selections were made yesterday with Corey Hart edging out David Wright for the NL spot and Evan Longoria chosen to represent the AL.

For Longoria, it's another accomplishment to add to his impressive rookie year with the Rays. In Hart's case, hopefully it distinguishes the outfielder from the sunglasses=in-the-dark wearing one-hit wonder of the same name. The news came while Hart, who has 15 home runs on the season, was talking with the media and holding his young daughter. What followed was his daughter's traumatic introduction to the world of alcohol:

Might Not Be One of His Prouder Moments

2008-07-11T10:32:00.000-04:00

They really should do some studies on the psychological effects of being a minor league manager because, after Ozzie Guillen, Phillip Wellman, and now this guy, I'm giving it a big thumbs down as a possible career choice. It's also hard to imagine that the call was as bad as the smell coming from his armpit.

How does he get such a big bald head to shake that fast? Still not as good as Wellman's.

[The Big Lead]

The Happy Recap: The Suicide Rate in Seattle Is Especially High This Year

2008-07-11T10:13:00.003-04:00

A's 3, Mariners 2: Despite ridding themselves of the Hindenburg disaster that was Richie Sexson at the plate, Seattle once again found a way to lose, allowing three home runs in the last three innings. Staked to a 2-0 lead, new closer Brandon Morrow gave up round trippers to Jack Cust and Kurt Suzuki, blowing his first save of the year. The resurrected corpse of Emil Brown ended it in the 11th with a shot to left off rookie Cesar Jimenez. The comeback spoiled a great start by Redbeard Dickey, who went seven shutout innings.

Reds 12, Cubs 7: Home Run Derby participants now know where to look if they need a personal pitcher, as the Reds hit seven home runs en route to racking up 18 total hits. David Ross made his personal Derby bid, hitting two in the game to give him a whopping total of three for the season. Ken Griffey Jr. and Adam Dunn also went deep, and Bronson Arroyo got the win in typical fashion, giving up five runs over five innings.

Mets 7, Giants 3: The Mets set themselves up in perfect position for their late season collapse, with last night's win putting them just 1 1/5 behind the division-leading Phillies. The victory was New York's sixth in a row, thanks to four RBI by scrap heap fill=in Fernando Tatis. The outfielder is now batting over .300 since joining the team, and is expected to be an everyday starter following Moises Alou's death.

Indians 13, Rays 2: Tampa Bay dropped its fourth in a row thanks to a shellacking led by Ben Francisco, who is way more cleaner and tourist friendly than that other guy, Ben Oakland. David Delluci, Shin-Soo Choo, and Casey Blake homered for Cleveland, who won for the first time in 11 games. They are still not a factor in the AL Central.

Marlins 5, Dodgers 4: Hanley Ramirez had five hits, the most important being his last, a solo shot in the eleventh to win the game and the hearts and minds of the American people. Josh Johnson made the start for the Fish, his first since undergoing Tommy John surgery. He went five innings, giving up three runs. The loss dropped the Dodgers to 45-47, one game out of first place in the NL West.

Angels 11, Rangers 10: In a completely unexpected development, Texas' pitching faltered, with starter/accountant Scott Feldman giving up eight runs in just 3 2/3 innings. The Angels' pitching wasn't much better, but John Lackey gave up just six runs despite allowing 15 hits. The Rangers and Angels combined for 32 hits, but all that mattered was Maicer Izturis' RBI single to win it in the 11th. Francisco Rodriguez got his ML-leading 36 save.

This is A Surprise

2008-07-10T19:20:00.000-04:00

UPDATE: Omar Minaya announced after today's game that Moises Alou is actually out for the rest of the year. That leg cramp? Yeah, it's actually a torn hamstring. It would be comedic if it wasn't so sad.

In what is becoming more of an expectation rather than a surprise, Moises Alou is hurt again. The 42-year-old outfielder left his rehab game in Double-A Binghamton last night with a cramp in his left hamstring.

Alou is trying to return from the DL for the third time this year, and was expected to be back by this weekend. After his latest setback, however, manager Jerry Manuel said he will hold him out of action until after the All-Star break.

I wonder if it's possible to be allergic to good health. I understand the man is old, but he's still a baseball player. Baseball players are constantly involved in athletic activities. You would expect the body to be a fine-tuned machine, or at least work better than the average person. Not in Alou's case, apparently. He's like a baby deer on ice.

[SNY]

The Lineup: He Really Has to Take This Call

2008-07-10T17:00:00.001-04:00

Manny Ramirez is the new Verizon guy. [Hugging Harold Reynolds]
Active kids with dreams and motivation will not be tolerated in Greenwich, Connecticut [With Leather]
Back-to-back-to-back homers by triplets? Meh. In order of their birth? Unimpressive. [Slanch Report]
The American Mustache Institute is a very serious place [Awful Announcing]
Jason Varitek is obviously not drinking enough SlumpBuster [Red Sox Monster]
Jags WR Matt Jones arrested in Arkansas for coke posessi... Wait. They have police in Arkansas? [SI.com]
Only in Europe. [Sports Crackle Pop]

Lots of Strikeouts + No Power = No Job

2008-07-10T15:08:00.001-04:00

The Seattle Mariners released the underperforming Richie Sexson today despite still having to pay the rest of his $14 million salary. Sexson is hitting .218 with 11 home runs and 30 RBI so far this season.

The move to rid themselves of the big first baseman was expected, a result of the Mariners' disappointing year. High-priced players like Sexson and Adrian Beltre are seen as a significant part of Seattle's struggles.

In the last year of a four-year, $50 million deal, Sexson was largely a waste, regressing with each successive season. He is on pace for over 140 strikeouts in 2008, the low point coming on May 25 when an 0-3 game caused his batting average to dip to .197.

With the Mariners still responsible for his salary, the first baseman could find a backup job somewhere for the league minimum, although only as a defensive replacement. For someone with so many strikeouts, he doesn't adequately make up for it with OBP or home run numbers on par with similar hitters like Ryan Howard or Adam Dunn.

[Seattle Times]

Game Over

2008-07-10T13:23:00.003-04:00

The latest x-ray of Mark Mulder's shoulder

After throwing just 16 pitches before exiting last night's game, Mark Mulder's career may be over.

The 30-year-old was hoping to make it through the rest of the season injury-free, but instead will go on the DL for the fifth time in his four seasons with the Cardinals. Over the past two years, Mulder has thrown a combined 12 2/3 innings, hampered by problems with his left shoulder.

Marky Mark, a part of Oakland's Big Three along with Barry Zito and Tim Hudson, was excellent in his first six seasons, going 97-50 with the A's. However, in sticking with GM Billy Beane's low budget philosophy, he was traded to St. Louis in 2005. He's made just 51 starts since then.

Since being jettisoned from the Bay Area, the Big Three has struggled. Mulder has been too injury-prone to make an impact, and Barry Zito's troubles following his huge contract with the Giants have been well publicized. Tim Hudson has remained productive for the Braves, but not seen the type of success he enjoyed while in Oakland.

[St. Louis Post-Dispatch]

Your Nightmares Now Sponsored by Major League Baseball

2008-07-10T11:58:00.003-04:00

Where's the Cloverfield monster when you really need him?

I know they've been up for a while, but I just took a close look at some of these All-Star Game statues and threw up in my mouth a little.

In theory, I can appreciate the marketing strategy. Forty-two Statue of Liberty replicas put up throughout NYC, painted in the colors of a Major League team. It's a good way to publicize the All-Star game, contribute to the artistic landscape of the city, and generate a little revenue on the side. Chicago has done this with its painted cows and it's worked out great.

But then the MLB went out and hired George A. Romero, gave him some LSD, and had him design these things. The statues are not just ugly, they're scarily ugly. Lady Liberty has been turned into a torch-wielding zombie with no fashion sense. Maybe it's just me, but the San Francisco Giants-themed one looks like it could rip off its crown and stab me at any second.

The MLB store is selling 9-inch versions, but putting one on your kid's dresser would be nightmare fuel enough for a lifetime. It stares at you with its soulless eyes like baseball-themed Chucky.

[The MLB Shop of Horrors]

Wrapping Up the Rest

2008-07-10T10:33:00.001-04:00

Phillies 4, Cardinals 2: Mark Mulder, homesick for his spot on the DL, scurried back there with pain in his shoulder after just 16 pitches. The lefty has appeared in six games over the past two years, although it's still more action than Carl Pavano and Mike Hampton have seen combined. Those were hands down, no doubt about it, great signings. Ryan Howard, faced with hitting his 25th home run or striking out for the 84637294th time, chose the former, putting the Phils in the lead for good.

Rangers 5, Angels 4: Josh Hamilton exhibited blatant disregard for the saves record, despositing Francisco Rodriguez' offering into the right field seats for a two-run walk-off home run. It was his first homer since June 17. Glove-stealer Juan "Sticky Fingers" Rivera homered for the Angels.

Red Sox 18, Twins 5: Josh Beckett gave up three runs in the first, but Boston came back with a few of their own, taking control after a catch leading to a triple play was reversed. Manny Ramirez had two RBI doubles off of Livan Hernandez. That's what happens when your starter needs a walker to get onto the mound.

Dodgers 2, Braves 1: Fresh off of spoiling Hiroki Kuroda's no-hit bid, the Braves decided to give LA another chance, as Derek Lowe went six perfect innings before Gregor Blanco broke rank and singled into center. Even more momentous than Lowe's pitching performance was Andruw Jones' RBI single. He now has nine RBI on the season, or one for every $1.5 million he's making this season.

White Sox 7, Royals 6: Chicago climbed out of a five-run hole thanks to a pair of homers by outfielder Carlos Quentin. Both shots came off starter Brian Bannister, who is 2-6 in night games but 5-2 during the day. The only explanation is that he's solar powered. It must be one of those new green initiatives.

The Happy Recap: Good On Paper, Terrible in Practice

2008-07-10T09:59:00.000-04:00

A lot of teams out there are having bad seasons, but perhaps none more shocking and disappointing than the Cleveland Indians. Looking at the roster, their plight appears unexplainable.

A rotation that boasts Cliff Lee, Fausto Carmona, and, for half a season, CC Sabathia should match up with most other rotations. They have arguably the best centerfielder in the league, and a dangerous group of hitters built around him. But, teams have to play the games and not just be evaluated on paper, and that's where Cleveland's season took a wrong turn.

In a few months, the Indians have gone from AL Central contenders to completely out of the playoff race, falling again last night after allowing the Tigers to come back from six runs down. It was their tenth straight loss. A lot of the blame for their struggles can be heaped on the offense, where a number of key players have underperformed. However, injuries have played a significant role in the lineup's struggles.

Both Travis Hafner and Victor Martinez have been nagged by injuries, most likely for longer than they let on. Without those two as serious threats, pitching to the other seven batters becomes much easier, and Grady Sizemore can't make up for all of that production by himself. Hitting is a fickle practice, and it could return just as quick as it's deserted the Indians. What's more troubling is the state of the bullpen.

Last night was rock bottom for a pen that has been shaky at best all season. Up 6-1 in the seventh, Rafael Betancourt came in with two men on and immediately gave up a bases loaded double, RBI ground out, and two-run home run. Just three batters removed from being up by five, the game was suddenly tied. Jensen Lewis took the loss in the ninth on Miguel Cabrera's walk-off homer. In a flash, the Indians went from cruising to an easy win to trudging back to the clubhouse, tacked with another L, the game a microcosm of this frustrating season.

If, at some point in the next two months, the hitting picks up, Cleveland could be a formidable spoiler for playoff teams, but, until the relief pitching is fixed, spoiler is the only role the Indians can expect to play come September.

The Lineup: A-Rod Scandal...Madonna...OMG...zzzz

2008-07-09T15:32:00.000-04:00

A-Rod was "in love with Madonna" according to the always-reliable investigative news team at US Weekly. Anybody else already want to shoot themselves every time this story comes up? [USmagazine]
Babies? I feel like the baseball card industry is running out of ideas. [The Slanch Report]
The most annoying American Gladiator. Ever. She sounds like Ralph Macchio in My Cousin Vinny. [Flatusyahu]
Shortstop Yunel Escobar's dangerous escape in the biggest Cuban player defection since Castro took power. [The Sporting News]
Isiah Thomas' greatest work immortalized. [The Lenin Closet]

The MLB Meat Market

2008-07-09T12:12:00.000-04:00

With the Brewers and Cubs making big deals within 24 hours of each other, we'll likely see an increase in trade activity over the next few weeks as teams around the league try to keep pace. There are still some big names available that can provide the missing link and push their team into serious playoff contention.

A rundown of the potential playoff mercenaries:

Erik Bedard: Bedard signed this year with the Seattle Mariners, but the relationship hasn't been fruitful for either of the parties. The M's are one of the worst teams in the league, and Bedard has failed to improve on last year's promising numbers. He is pretty much a sure bet to be moved, and considering he appeared on a Philadelphia radio show recently, will most likely join Cole Hamels at the top of the Phils' rotation.

A.J. Burnett: If, for some reason, the Phillies can't swing a trade for Bedard, their next target will be the hard-throwing Burnett. The Toronto pitcher has so-so stats north of the border so far, but has the skills necessary to be a top pitcher and, when on, is unhittable. The Cardinals also need another starter if they want to jump into the NL Central arms race, so there could be some interest on their end.

Mark Teixeira: With the Braves quickly sinking out of contention in the NL East, Teixeira could be shopped as a three-month rental similar to CC Sabathia. The first baseman is a free agent after this year and Atlanta would rather get something in return rather than letting him walk. The Red Sox have reportedly shown interest, although it depends on David Ortiz' health status. If Ortiz isn't going to be 100% by the playoffs, the Sox could package some prospects, or even Kevin Youkilis, to get Teixeira's bat at the four spot.

Florida Marlins: With starter Matt Treanor going on the DL, the Marlins will be on the lookout for a replacement catcher. Another playoff contender looking to fight off the teams trailing them, Florida could go with a veteran like David Ross of the Reds or Miguel Olivo of the Royals.

Lastly, there were reports yesterday of the Yankees showing interest in Victor Zambrano. Zambrano was a decent pitcher with the Rays who gained fame for being the key piece in the Scott Kazmir trade. As a Mets fan, just thinking of that trade makes me sick. Giving Zambrano starts at the Major League level is about equal to forfeiting, but the Yanks have been struggling to develop a set rotation all year and might be willing to take the chance. I feel like there has to be a better alternative. Bring Hideki Irabu back.

The Apocalypse Is Near

2008-07-09T11:15:00.001-04:00

Memo to all New Englanders: Red Sox Nation is not an actual country. I don't know how much clearer I can make this, but obviously it hasn't dawned on the cult-like members of RSN who each paid the organization a $250 "membership" fee, elected this guy as your "president," and are now naming governors.

Governors. Of a completely non-existent nation engineered to take fanatical and/or moronic fans' money. I'll let that sink in.

Usually I'm fine with stupid people doing stupid things, but an entire region being this thick is too much to handle. We wonder why the rest of the world doesn't respect us anymore. Maybe it's because America's pastime time is doubling as an asylum for inpatients. Paying to be a member, much less creating a political structure, of a focus group disguised as some sort of exclusive country is about as bad as dressing up to play Dungeons and Dragons. And at least D&D was played in the basement, where the rest of the country didn't have to hear about it.

My only suggestion to all the tools of the John Henry marketing machine is to nut up, secede, and form a real nation. You would be doing us all a favor.

[The Biz of Baseball]

Wrapping Up the Rest

2008-07-09T10:45:00.000-04:00

A's 2, Mariners 0: It seems like every time Oakland gives up a quality pitcher, they have another one waiting in the wings. With Harden gone, the de facto ace is now Justin Duchscherer, who threw a complete game shutout to improve to 10-5 and lower his ERA to 1.78. Say what you want about Billy Beane's frugality, but the man is King Midas when it comes to pitching. He could make Mariah Carey into a competent pitcher.

Mets 7, Giants 0: Mike Pelfrey was dominant again, throwing seven shutout innings, but more importantly, the Mets provided run support by tagging Tim Lincecum for four runs. It looked like 2006 all over again as the Carloses homered putting the Mets two games over .500. With the Phillies loss, New York is just 1 1/2 games out of first. I'm not sure which NL division is worst, the East or West. The East has the terrible humidity, but the West has Andruw Jones, so it's pretty much a wash.

Cardinals 2, Phillies 0: Enjoying their last day of competitiveness in the NL Central, Joel Pineiro, perhaps for the first time in his life, outdueled an opposing pitcher. The Seattle combo circa 2004 (Pineiro, Ron Villone, and Ryan Franklin) teamed up for the shutout. Ryan Ludwick and Rick Ankiel went deep against the Phils, who have lost four of their last five.

Yankees 5, Rays 0: Andy Pettite found some of his late '90s magic (aka HGH) and delivered eight shutout innings for New York, dealing Scott Kazmir the loss despite his 9 K's. File this in the 'never thought you'd ever hear' file: "People make a big deal [about the game], obviously, because it's Tampa," said Jeter.

Red Sox 6, Twins 5: Minnesota wasted a fine start by Nick Blackburn, allowing four runs in the eighth, including a game-tying home run by Manny Ramirez. The homer was Manny's first extra base hit in nine games as Boston improved to a league-best 33-10 at home.

The Happy Recap: Wisconsin Loves the Round One

2008-07-09T09:50:00.001-04:00

I CC a lot of white people.

The playoff race in the NL Central officially started last night, with the now period-less CC Sabathia on the hill for the first time as a Milwaukee Brewer. Sporting a dark blue uniform that looked like two regular sized shirts sewed together, Sabathia got the job done despite some control problems and put the Brew Crew on track to challenge for the division's top spot.

Just hours after the Cubs pulled the trigger on the Rich Harden deal, the Round One left the field in the sixth to a standing ovation, moments after working out of a bases loaded jam to preserve the lead. Overall, Sabathia walked five total and needed 97 pitches to get eighteen outs, but based on his BB/Strike ratio coming in, it's safe to say the wildness was an aberration. More importantly was the way in which he got those outs.

Sabathia struck out five, including the last batter he faced, which is to be expected from a power pitcher. However, of the thirteen remaining outs, just three were fly balls. This is a departure from his early season struggles, when he was allowing batters to lift his pitches. As is the case with any pitcher, the harder he throws the easier it is to hit it a long way, and allowing hitters to get under the ball increased the likelihood of giving up a lot of runs.

Last night's outing, which ended in three runs (two earned) over six innings, was not up to the expected performance level, but Sabathia was able to keep his team in the game despite his struggles, an ace-like quality that will be instrumental in catching Chicago.

The Cubs Are Serious About Ending This Curse Thingy

2008-07-08T20:33:00.003-04:00

Just a day after the Brewers acquired ace pitcher CC Sabathia, the Chicago Cubs have reportedly responded by swinging a trade for A's pitcher Rich Harden.

Harden, who 5-1 with a 2.34 ERA this season, will go to Chicago along with Chad Gaudin in exchange for pitcher Sean Marshall, outfielders Matt Murton and Eric Patterson, and minor leaguer Josh Donaldson.

Yesterday, Milwaukee introduced Sabathia as their newest pitcher, forming a 1-2 combo with Ben Sheets that signaled their push to take the NL Central title. The Brewers are four games out of first behind Chicago and St. Louis.

With this acquisition, the Cubs shift the balance of power in the division back in their favor, as Harden will join Carlos Zambrano at the top of the rotation. Chicago, who hasn't won a World Series in 100 years, are 53-36 so far, the best record in the NL.

More details will certainly come tomorrow. This puts the ball in the Cardinals court, who are quickly being pushed out of the playoff picture.

[ESPN]

This. Is. Awesome.

2008-07-08T14:30:00.000-04:00

In one of the most genius literary moves this year, the New York Times has given the always even-tempered and sensible Milton Bradley a blog.

Bradley, who was just selected to the All-Star team, has been hampered by anger problems throughout his whole career, and I cannot wait to get his perspective the next time he tries to confront (read: maim) someone because they have insulted him, made a bad call, gotten in his way, said hello, etc.

While the first post was disappointingly void of arguments and choke slams, I'm sure there will be some interesting stuff on the way. Bradley is like the millennium version of Albert Belle, without the obesity and underachieving.

[New York Times]

The Bats Start to Strike Back

2008-07-08T13:18:00.000-04:00

As if things weren't going bad enough on the field for the Colorado Rockies, now they can't even catch a break off of it. Over the weekend, shortstop Troy Tulowitzki went back on the DL with a hurt hand, just three weeks after returning from a torn thigh tendon that cost him 46 games.

The most noteworthy and bizarre aspect of this, however, is how Tulowitzki did this. Frustrated after being taken out of a game against the Marlins, the shortstop slammed his bat on the ground of the clubhouse. The bat immediately shattered, slicing open his right hand and requiring 16 stitches. The cut runs from his palm up to the index finger, making it impossible to bat or hold a ball without splitting it open again.

Tulowitzki joins a long line of baseball players who have suffered bizarre injuries, from Sammy Sosa developing back spasm after sneezing to Joel Zumaya straining a forearm playing "Guitar Hero." Last year, teammate Clint Barmes fell down a flight of stairs while carrying venison from a hunting trip, breaking his collarbone.

Tulowitzki was placed on the 15-day DL and should be back soon after his stint is over.

[AP]

Jeff Mathis: FAIL

2008-07-08T12:44:00.001-04:00

Perhaps the only thing more amazing than Torii Hunter actually hitting a home run during last night's Angels-Rangers game was the play made by Texas catcher Max Ramirez. Down 9-6 in the 8th, Maicer Izturis grounded a ball to first, setting up this great act of violence:

Next time maybe two elbows to the head will do it, Jeff.

2008-07-08T12:19:00.001-04:00

Chipper Jones, in one of his rare strikeouts this season. [Larry Brown Sports]

Wrapping Up the Rest

2008-07-08T11:10:00.003-04:00

Dodgers 3, Braves 0: Hideki Kuroda took a perfect game into the 8th before Mark Texeira broke it up with a lead-off double, Atlanta's only hit of the game. The pitcher signed as a free agent with the Dodgers last year after eleven years in Japan. Kuroda's five wins this year are more than double what Kei Igawa has in his career.

A's 4, Mariners 3: Richie Sexson hit a home run. In related news, there will be a migration of flying pigs and a cold front moving across hell. The M's couldn't pull it out however, thanks to a home run by rookie Wes Bankston and Ryan Sweeney's game winning RBI single

Mets 10, Phillies 9: The Mets continue their quest to take years off of their fans' collective lifespan, going up 10-1 and then allowing the last eight runs of the game. In today's list of things that have never happened before, Aaron Heilman gave up a 2-run home run and completely dependable closer Billy Wagner allowed two more runs before getting the final out and avoiding post-game execution.

Marlins 3, Padres 1: Greg Maddux failed for the eleventh straight time to record win no. 351, despite only allowing Jorge Cantu's 2-run homer. Right now, I'm pretty sure you'd have to throw a shutout with 20 K's and hit a grand slam to get a win while pitching for the Padres. And even that might not be enough.

The Happy Recap: Doing Just Enough

2008-07-08T10:35:00.000-04:00

And then we're gonna go to Texas, then the playoffs, then the World Series...BYAHHHH!

With the Angels' 9-6 win over Texas last night, closer Francisco Rodriguez picked up his 35th save, the most ever recorded before the All-Star break. This puts Rodriguez on pace to shatter the full season record held by Bobby Thigpen, with 57.

What jumps out at me, however, is not the consistency with which K-Rod shuts down opponents in the ninth, but the consistency with which his team gives him these save opportunities. From May through June, the Angels' closer saved 11, 10, and 11 games, respectively. That's slightly more than 1/3 of the games played each month.

These stats can be interpreted a variety of ways, both positive and negative. In providing so many save opportunities, it shows that the Angels aren't blowing many teams out. The offense isn't providing the firepower of a dominant team, the pitchers are allowing opponents to stick around, and they lack the killer instinct to really shut down a team's chances early.

There are signs that point to truths in that theory. Los Angeles is 11th in runs scored in the AL, behind both the Orioles and the last place Indians. In fact, LA is barely able to crack the top 10 in any offensive categories when put up against the rest of the AL. Pitching-wise, Jon Garland and Jered Weaver have been hit-or-miss, and the team has allowed the 6th-most total home runs. The pure statistics point to a just above-average team that has been very lucky up to this point.

I tend to disagree with the suggestions of the stats, though. Yes, the Angels aren't dominating teams on the scoreboard, but they are good enough defensively to know that a 2 or 3-run lead is a safe one. The offense is just starting to live up to its billing, with Vlad Guerrero getting hot and Torii Hunter homering twice last night, so it has been good pitching that's won games for them so far.

The pitching staff, which ranks 5th in ERA, is not shutting opponents down, but it's keeping the team competitive practically every game. With the rotation making sure the game stays close, the offense has had time to work out the kinks, and with the hitters heating up, I believe we'll begin to see the true talent and potential of this LA team. The first sign may have been last night, where starter Ervin Santana gave up six runs, but still escaped with a win thanks to early run support.

The return of John Lackey gives them three ace-type starters to go with Weaver and Garland, and there's enough in the bullpen to get to K-Rod in the ninth. Los Angeles is not a team full of firepower, but, rather, a well-assembled group that knows what it needs to do to win. It's this knowledge that allows them to win unimpressively but consistently.

The Lineup: Unsubstantiated Attacks

2008-07-08T09:45:00.000-04:00

Jenn Sterger doesn't like Erin Andrews. Or turtlenecks. Or making any kind of sense. [The Big Lead]
Now you can get your own personal Ozzie Guillen rant delivered right to your inbox. [Chicago Tribune]
Joe Buck's comments were misunderstood because didn't adequately convey his meaning. That sounds a lot like his announcing. [Awful Announcing]
Aaron Rowand is an All-Star backer-upper. [Deadspin]
Red Sox fans are so reliable. At least once a week they give us a story that reaffirms the perception of them. [SportsbyBrooks]

The Mid-Summer Mistake: Small Market > Big Market

2008-07-07T15:05:00.000-04:00

With a name like Summer, I feel like this could be another Spitzer situation

With FOX and Major League Baseball jamming the All-Star game down our throats (It's at Yankee Stadium! The Last One! So Historic!), it's time to look at who is actually going to play in this mid-season celebration of big-name fan favorites. We'll examine the AL and NL voting for one position daily. Today: the outfield.

Outfield- American League
1. Josh Hamilton
2. Manny Ramirez
3. Ichiro Suzuki

Hamilton is a great comeback story, and his numbers make it all the more amazing. The former number one pick-turned-drug addict-turned-reclamation project leads the AL with 84 RBI, nineteen more than his closest competition. He is the centerpiece of a Texas Rangers offense that is keeping the team afloat despite its deplorable pitching.

As for the other two, there are many more deserving candidates than go-to picks Ramirez and Ichiro. Manny is having a down year and Ichiro deserves mention only on account of his speed (34 SBs). Grady Sizemore, relegated to the reserves, is a potential 40-40 player this year, and if there must be a Red Sock starter, it should be J.D. Drew (.299, 16 HRs).

Outfield- National League
1. Ryan Braun
2. Kosuke Fukudome
3. Alfonso Soriano

Braun overtook Ken Griffey Jr. late in the voting, and though it would be nice to see Griffey start, the Milwaukee outfielder clearly is having the superior year. The former rookie of the year is following up with a nice sophomore campaign and has found himself more comfortable in the outfield than at third, where he was error-prone.

Fukudome and Soriano are the feature hitters for the Cubs, and both have good stats up until now. However, Soriano started the season in a serious slump and only began to pick it up last month. While he had a great June, there are lesser-known outfielders who have performed better. It was good to see Ryan Ludwick get a spot on the team, as he's been a driving force in the Cardinals' surprise season.

I'm Fat And So Can You

2008-07-07T14:30:00.001-04:00

C.C. Sabathia's trade to the Brewers gives us another instance in which being a good baseball player does not necessarily translate into being a good athlete. Or an athlete at all, for that matter. So, in honor of the season's first blockbuster trade and this past holiday weekend, let's celebrate something just as American as summer baseball and fireworks: Obesity.

Yes, it's true, America is the fattest nation on Earth, and baseball is its enabler. Here are the top ten baseball players that give hope to the out-of-shape.

10. Sid Fernandez- Checking in at 230 lbs. on a good day, the Mets' pinstripes did nothing to slim his figure. A freight train on the mound, Fernandez went a career-high 16-6 in New York's World Series year, and is considered one of the Mets' best ever. His championship ring probably could've doubled as a baby's necklace.

9. Fernando Valenzuela- The Mexican phenom won the Cy Young in his rookie campaign and was an All-Star six times throughout his career. Even more impressive was the stamina he could muster from that bulk, throwing 272 innings in 1985 and logging 20 complete games in '86.

8. Terry Pendleton- The 1991 MVP carried over 180 lbs on his 5'9" frame, but was still dangerous on the basepaths, stealing 24 bases in 1986. Who knows whether he was actually that fast or whether catchers were just too taken by surprise to throw him out. Pendleton finished his career with three All-Star appearances and played in four World Series.

7. John Kruk- The Baseball Tonight host looked absolutely nothing like a baseball player, and probably never saw a meal he didn't like. Nevertheless, he could hit, and was a specialist at driving the ball to the opposite field. Kruk was a three-time All-Star with the Phillies.

6. Kevin Mitchell- From ESPN: "In 1990, he was four days late to spring training because he got injured eating a microwaved donut, requiring root canal work. He also once hit the DL after straining his rib muscles while vomiting. To top it off, Mitchell, according to Tom Verducci in Sports Illustrated, made Cleveland Indians history when he became the first player in franchise history who was unable to complete an 850-yard training run." If just making it to the Majors isn't justification enough, Mitchell won the MVP in 1989.

5. Mo Vaughn- 230 lb. Maurice is the prototypical hefty slugger, a fixture in Boston's lineup during the '90s. He hit for power and average and finished with 328 career HRs, but is mostly remembered for playing just one season for the Mets after being signed to a lucrative long-term deal.

4. Cecil Fielder- Listed at an extremely generous 240 lbs which surely ballooned to 300 by the end of his career, Fielder was made for the DH position. He was a great slugger during his time in Detroit before winning a title with the Yankees in '96. Fielder didn't steal his first base until his 1,096th game, and the base was given to him as a memento.

3. Kirby Puckett- Puckett was a perennial All-Star and fan favorite in Minnesota, and was inducted into the Hall of Fame in 2001. He consistently hit over .300, had home run power, and gracefully patrolled centerfield. Kirby is one of the few players on this list who qualifies as an all-around athlete.

2. Tony Gwynn- Arguably the best pure hitter in baseball, Gwynn owned the NL batting title, finishing in the top 10 for 14 years straight and winning it eight times. He was also a Gold Glove outfielder and very large man. Gwynn was inducted into the Hall last year.

1. Babe Ruth- No one other than the famous hot-dog-eating, beer-drinking Babe could occupy this top spot. Probably the best player ever, and he did it while drowning himself in trans fats. A true inspiration to us all.

The Sawx: No Bettah Fans Out Theah

2008-07-07T12:23:00.002-04:00

Being from New Jersey, the My New Haircut video has become as defining of the region as Newark, full service gas stations, and the mythical "Joisey" pronunciation.

Ninety percent of the time, if I tell someone I'm from Jersey, their first response is, "But bro, you don't look anything like those guys on My New Haircut."
And you know, that's a great observation, who would've thought the most densely populated state in the nation doesn't fall perfectly under a sweeping generalization. Douche.

That being said, the video is one of my favorites and I have to admit I know guys just like that, which is what makes this spin-off so great. If you live on the East Coast, you know this man.

Frickin' Yanks, indeed.

2008-07-07T12:00:00.000-04:00

Better have gotten that pre-nup, Alex. [Deadspin] [NY Daily News]

Restaurants Across Milwaukee Rejoice

2008-07-07T11:45:00.001-04:00

Prince Fielder now has an eating partner after the Brewers spun a deal yesterday for pitcher C.C. Sabathia. The 6'7" 290 pound hurler will form a 1-2 combination with ace Ben Sheets at the top of the rotation in an attempt to get Milwaukee into the playoffs for the first time since 1982.

Sabathia is 6-8 with a 3.83 ERA this season but has rebounded from an awful start to the season and is projected to improve now that he has a consistent offense behind him. He led the AL in ERA and won the Cy Young last season. In exchange for the Round One of the Mound, the Indians got three minor leaguers, including top power prospect Matt LaPorta. The move is essentially a white flag for Cleveland, who have disappointed all season and are currently last in the AL Central.

With the Brewers tied for second and 3.5 games behind the Cubs, the Sabathia deal represents a significant shift in power within the division. If their new acquisition returns to his former dominance, a major injury or a bad week by either Chicago or the Cardinals could spell an end to their playoff hopes.

Even with Sabathia's trade value diminished because he's a considered a three-month rental, there is a feeling the Indians could have gotten more. That feeling is called being absolutely right. With at least three other suitors, they pulled the trigger on a deal that didn't include one of the Brewers' top two prospects, Matt Gamel or Alcides Escobar. Both are head and shoulders above LaPorta, talent-wise.

The one positive for the city of Cleveland is that the strain on the food industry should drop significantly. With Sabathia's exit, the collective cholesterol level has to be tons lighter. Now they just have to find a way to get rid of Drew Carey.

Wrapping Up the Rest

2008-07-07T10:50:00.002-04:00

Mets 4, Phillies 2: The Phils were willing to build an ark and start gathering animals in order to face Billy Wagner, so a three-hour rain delay was no big deal. When the game was finally restarted, Jayson Werth took Wagner deep to tie it at 2-all. Apparently the Mets are getting used to this though, as Fernando Tatis' homer in the twelfth provided the winning margin.

Brewers 11, Pirates 6: JJ Hardy continued his torrid hitting (.446 in past 18 games) with a 3-4 day including two home runs. Milwaukee starter Jeff Suppan lasted just three innings, giving up six, but was bailed out by the offense. Enter C.C. Sabathia, the obese savior.

DBacks 3, Padres 2: Pitching against the Padres was a cure-all for Randy Johnson, who struck out ten in 6 1/3 to get the win. The mullet lives to pitch another day.

Rangers 11, Orioles 10: The O's are apparently God's least favorite team, as they have been outscored 75-44 on Sundays. Texas' five-run 8th inning gave them just enough to pull out the win in Baltimore.

Yankees 5, Red Sox 4: Jonathan Papelbon, fresh off his loss of street cred during the series with the Rays, blew the game in the tenth, allowing a game-winning hit by Brett Gardner. A-Rod hit his 536th homer, tying Mickey Mantle, but did so in the un-clutch second inning.
Brett Gardner > Alex Rodriguez.

The Happy Recap: Joe Buck Does Not Approve

2008-07-07T10:25:00.002-04:00

For anyone planning on watching just a couple hours of sports before getting up and being productive, July 6 was not your day. Tennis and baseball, coupled with a spotty rain that seemed to cover the entire country made sure of that, turning a simple day into a grueling test of endurance and procrastination for sports fans.

Wimbledon, in what was a legendary match, lasted 4 hours, 48 minutes, and that doesn't include rain delays totaling more than two hours. Nadal finally pulled out the win over his Bond villain opponent as darkness descended on the stadium.

As for a sport that doesn't feature men in capris, the Mets-Phils game went seven hours, including a ridiculous three-hour rain delay, and the Yankees-Red Sox schaudenfreude subjected us to almost four hours of Joe Morgan's rambling and Jason Giambi's mustache.

One game takes the cake, however, for the biggest time-killer of the day. In a battle of teams with nonsensical nicknames, the Astros and Braves went seventeen innings in the longest game ever at Turner Field.

While I'm of the opinion the game should have been called after the clear sign of the apocalypse that was a Ty Wigginton grand slam, Atlanta battled back to tie it in the eighth on Yunel Escobar's two-run single. What followed was Bud Selig's PR nightmare. Eight innings of scoreless baseball, with the offenses shut down by a parade of pedestrian relievers.

When the Braves finally broke through against the bespectacled Tim Byrdak (who? exactly.) with a bases loaded single by Mark Texeira, the end of the 5 hour, 35 minute game signaled the close of an exhausting sports day. It was only the fourth time in the past 15 years a team has had 17 hits and struck out 17 times in the same game.

Somewhere, Joe Buck is huddled in the corner, muttering to himself and watching "Bachelorette" marathons.

Here's Hoping: Go America

2008-07-04T16:00:00.001-04:00

Here's Hoping is a list of things we want to see happen over the weekend, but mainly an excuse to post a weekly picture of a drunk athlete. This week it's Sawx second basemen/leprechaun/Holiday Inn fan Dustin Pedroia.

Here's hoping...

...some aliens go all Independence Day on Yankee Stadium this weekend. The Red Sox and Yankees in combination with Joe Buck takes the douchebaggery to a level not fit for healthy human consumption.
...Bud Selig does something about the Joe Buck situation. I'm sure he could find millions of fans willing to swap jobs, and they'd probably be better at it.
...people ignore the opinions of stodgy, close-minded movie reviewers and go see Hancock. Will Smith is superb as usual, and it completely turns the superhero story stereotype on its head. Plus. Charlize Theron. No more reasons needed.
...nobody gets hit in the groin for at least a few days. After this week, I don't want the words testicle and fracture to be seen anywhere near each other.
...Johan Santana finally gets a win. In June, the ace went 1-4 despite a 2.27 ERA. The Mets are great at ruining their pitcher's careers.
...Joey Chestnut repeats as hot dog eating champ, beating Takeru Kobayashi. I have nothing against Kobayashi, but it's unsettling to see someone that skinny put down that much food.
...something happens in Wimbledon. With Ivanovic ousted, there's no reason to watch unless a ball boy gets hit with a serve or Federer is revealed as the next Bond villain.
...the thunderstorms hold off this weekend. It's been so humid on the East Coast I feel like a polar bear stuck in the Amazon rain forest. Anybody who says there's no such thing as global warming should have to spend a day in Jersey. It's like Florida 2.0.
...A-Rod and the plastic corpse masquerading as Madonna aren't together. I really don't want more of these images up on this site.
...America makes it through another year. Between a potential apocalypse, blatant violations of privacy, and this guy, it could be tough.